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Friday, February 24, 2012

ASR - Shaadi Kar Ke Phas Gaye Yaar!!!

An Email exchange between ASR's best buddy from College, Abhishek and ASR. Read and enjoy and dont forget to comment.

Hi Bud (ASR!)

First congratulations on getting married to the most beautiful woman in the world. Saw in the papers. You lucky b*st**d, how did you accomplish that? I never thought you'd be one of the first ones among us confirmed bachelors to break the vow of  Brahmacharya and jump headlong into marital bliss?

Do write when you get a chance and tell me more about bhabhi.
Bhabhi looks pretty awesome, haan!!  And if you don't take good care of her, I wont hesitate for a moment to kidnap her and make her my own.
BTW, I am in delhi on a short vacation and would love to catch up with you ie if you can keep your hands off your new wife and find time for this old pal of yours.

Abhishek (ASR's college friend)
ASR's email reply to Abhishek
Hey Abhishek!

You MF, when did you land here! you dint even bother to tell me in advance!

Ahhh, Shaadi. What can I say. It happened too fast. It was unplanned. When I got up for my bro's wedding that morning,
I had no idea I would end up getting married too, within the span of the same day.

No, no, I was not kidnapped or got married at gun point. It was not like that at all. It was my decision, something I did for my family. Will tell you more when we meet.

Shaadi is a double edged sword, buddy. I didn't realize this thing will actually sleep in my room and share my bed!!! I walk in to get a quick nap and there it is sitting on my bed under a pile of gold and embroidery so thick, i'd have to use a hatchet to cut through all that just to see her face.

And to rub insult to injury I have to carry this thing into the house in my lap - family tradition you know. She is very chirpy and wont sit quiet for a second. you know how i like my peace and quiet even from our college days, well, good bye silence, hello cacophony.

Even if I do bear all this, I am up to here with stray hair on bathroom floor and stuck to my wool coats. Can you imagine this thing sheds hair like crazy and leaves it everywhere!!

Let me not even start on the million and one paraphernalia sitting on my dresser, some of those things look downright dangerous and out of S&M fantasies, black rope like braids, bulbous ornaments, clips of all shapes and sizes, heavens, how can one person carry so much on their body at any given time?

And then this thing keeps calling me Ay Ji, Suniye Ji? She was perfectly fine calling me by my first name until that morning, now I dont know what got into her. This thing insists on locking the bedroom door at night, if this continues I might have to drain the pool and sleep inside it, just to get away from it all. 

This thing insists I shower before my bed coffee. And that ingrate Hari Prakash, he refuses to serve me coffee now. So I am stuck dragging myself out of the bed, shower, do aarti and then have my coffee. Its a shock that I haven't murdered anyone without my morning coffee.

And if things aren't bad enough, my family wants to hit the rewind button and go over it all over again! I don't have patience but I have no choice, need to pacify the in-laws you know.

My dear friend, Shaadi Kar Ke Phas Gaya Yaar. I was trying to thumb my nose up my Jijaji and guess what? he is having the last laugh. Now I know why Jijaji was desperate for an extra marital affair. If things go at this rate, I will join him soon.

see you soon pal.


Saturday, February 18, 2012

Arnav's Gift

As Arnav draped the necklace around Lavanya’s neck, Khushi felt a deep pang of agony in her belly. She knew what he was trying to do, yet she was adamant about not revealing her feelings to him, at least not when everyone was around them.
 She excused herself on the pretense of attending to some matter and extricated herself from the suffocation of watching ASR and LA together. Without drawing notice, she moved away from the gaggle to catch a few moments to herself. She decided to go by the pool and gather her thoughts. Laughter floated down from the hallway and she only hoped they hadn't noticed her absence. 
 He watched her retreating figure go to the pool from the corner of his eye and knew he had hurt her. He winced at his own ability to be so cruel to the one thing he cared most about in this world. How could he do this? How could he crush her so, every opportunity he got? He didn't have the answers but he knew what he should do.
 She was wiping her tears and muttering to herself as he approached her from behind. She sensed movement behind her and froze. She knew it was him. She didn't want him to see her in this state, She didn't want him to know that he had hurt her. She straightened herself and quickly wiped her tears. She was about to turn, when she bumped against his hard chest, hovering over her delicate form. She averted her eyes and cast her glance to the floor. She could barely breathe as she felt his hot breaths on the nape of her neck. Her heart did a few lurches and her mind went blank. What was he trying to do? What more insults did he plan for her. Sadness welled inside her with an irresistible urge to billow out. It took every ounce of her will-power to hold it together.
 She felt a tingle of fingers on the nape of her neck as she felt him caress her delicate swan like neck and creamy shoulders, toying briefly with her kameez strings than hung seductively on her back. A shiver ran through her as she felt herself responding to his touch. His left arm slowly crept from behind, grazing her breasts ever so slightly as it traversed to the other side of her body, draping around her, reaching her the other side and pulling her against his chest. She shut her eyes tight, not sure of her traitorous body's response.
 He bent his head to the curve of her neck, his breath tantalizing her skin and placed a brief feather-light kiss. Involuntarily, she shifted her head away to give him more access to that erotic spot. He did not disappoint as he placed several more kisses trailing from her shoulder to her neck stopping when it reached her ears. A jolt of pure pleasure hit her as she felt his tongue dip into her ears, seeking, searching inside and around the ear lobes. Her legs gave away and she felt his other arm hold her still around her waist. She squirmed to free herself but he held her strong.
 Before she knew what happened, she felt a cold lash of metal around her neck as Arnav slipped the necklace she had set her eyes on earlier. With lightning fast movements, he clasped the necklace around her slender neck and whirled her around to face him. Shock and surprise washed her face as she tried to come to terms with what just happened.

He smirked his usual wicked smile and said, "Kuch fark pada?". With that he brutally cupped her breast with his right hand, squeezing it to the point of pain and kissed her lips with intense force. She felt a hot stream of desire twinge down from her under belly coursing between her legs. Before she could think more, he pushed her away and walked out as if nothing happened. Khushi tasted blood and realized that his brutal kiss had cut her lip. She wiped her mouth and whispered, "haan, fark pada"'..
Khushi rushed to the bathroom to assess the cut. The last thing she wanted was more questions from RM women. God! She loved them but they could be very inquisitive and nosy. She checked her cut in the mirror and after washing with cold water, she figured that's the best it will look. She ran her fingers over the necklace that lay askew on her neck and quickly removed it over her head and placed it on the counter top of Arnav's bathroom. She didn't need it, no, never, not the way he wanted it anyway.
 As she rejoined the women, anjali picked a bangle and asked Khushi to try it. Khushi refused but anjali walked over and lifted her chin to see what was bothering her. Anjali's brows knitted quizzically and Khushi realized to her horror that anjali discovered the cut on her lip.
 Anjali announced teasingly, " Oye Hoye!! Khushiji, what is this I see? Is this your Shyamji's doing? Hunh!! Tells us, was it the outcome of your date?" Khushi's face drained of color in embarrassment and she averted her face. Hearing Di's words, Arnav's head shot up from the file he was pretending to read and he saw Khushi's lifeless face. His heart slammed against his chest up on realizing what he had done. Everyone clamored around khushi, teasing her, poking her, trying to get the truth. Khushi was desperately trying to hide her embarrassment. He noticed the swollen side of her lip and somewhere deep inside his belly, he felt a need to possess her right then and there.
 "Enough everyone!", he thundered, hoping to shoo the prying RM women away from his prized doll, whom he had hurt in more ways than one. Silence fell over the girls as they scattered about and got busy again assessing the display of jewelry. Arnav got up and stretched his languid body with its rippling muscles and looked at her. Her expression of awe stirred a wicked thought in his mind.
 "Khushi, I need to give you the list of business partners to invite for the engagement." With that command, he strode in quick steps to his room. She was not sure what he wanted now. Oh well, she figured she'd retrieve the list and be on her way home. RM women were getting ready to go shopping and asked Khushi if she wanted to join. "Arnavji wants to send invites to his business partners." RM women agreed it was better not to piss ASR, given his earlier rotten mood.
 As the women left, Khushi headed to Arnav's room, unhappy and enraged over his mood swings and menial tasks he assigned her.
 "Arnavji?", she called out as she tentatively entered his room.
 Hey Devi Mayya, there is only so much assault I can take in one day, please spare me, she said a silent prayer.
 She felt a whoosh of air behind her and in that instant she knew she was trapped. Arnav stood by the door, eyes shining like a predator, as he locked the door. He walked menacingly towards her, his entire body emanating a raw male power she had never felt before. She started backing but her knees got caught on the side of the bed, and she fell on it, losing her balance. Great! Devi Maiyya, the last thing I want is to be trapped under this monster, she pleaded.
 He threw himself on her, breaking the fall with his arms and hovered over her entire length as he stared at her with an intensity she had never seen in him. She shut her eyes tight and started spewing some gibberish in a vain attempt to distract him. Suddenly, she felt a hot wet lick on the wound of her lips. Her eyes shot open wide at the shock and sheer pleasure of his tongue, yet again, claiming her pain as his own.
 She could see Arnav was straining to hold himself aloft while only his hot tongue touched her as it licked her lower lip, salving her wound. Deep inside her, she felt a sudden rush of love and affection for this flawed man.
She reached out to hold his face in her hands and whispered tenderly, "Its ok, Arnavji." Those loving words were his undoing. He lost the strength in his arms and flopped over her body, easily covering her fragile body with his strong muscled sheath. Khushi gasped at the suddenness of his actions yet never letting go of his face. His nose nudged hers ever so slightly and her wide gray eyes stirred a longing in his loins only Khushi could satisfy. He began licking her lips earnestly, as if his saliva would heal all the wounds he'd inflicted on her. She didn't know what possessed her but her longing for him broke her resolve and she arched her body up pressing against his. Arnav smiled affectionately at this gesture of hers, indicating to him her complete surrender and trust. He entwined his arm under her body lifting her breasts so they pressed and flattened against his chest. Her head fell back, revealing the smooth expanse of her creamy neck.
 He continued the flick of his tongue over her jaw line, trailing hot wet kisses down her neck and her delicate collarbone. His other hand undid the strings on her kameez, something he'd wanted to do since the first day he saw her. She moaned in pure delight as his fingers pressed into the soft flesh of her back. As the neckline loosened, he gruffly pulled the kameez down, revealing the soft mounds of her delicate breasts, thrust in air, inviting him to relish and drown in them. Unsure, he looked at her face. Her face flushed with desire and her teeth biting her lower lip in anticipation were encouragement enough for him to cover her nipples with his hot mouth.
 Gently at first, he sucked harder and harder to meet the fervor of Khushi's ardent and insistent moans. She lost all ability to think. Writhing in his arms felt so right. His mouth claiming her breasts felt so right. Everything about their bodies and minds entwined in this intimate way felt so right. Hey Devi Maiyya, guide me'and the thought of calling Devi Maiyya in the midst of heated passionate moment made her giggle. Arnav lifted his head, puzzled, to find out what she found funny. 
 "please, don't'", she purred through a haze of passion.
 "I won't, if you..",
 "Nooo, please don't' stop!", Arnav couldn't believe the feline purr of his doll as she urged him to continue his seduction. He groaned with naked desire to possess her inside out and earnestly devoted his attention to both her nipples. As he laid wet kisses over her soft mounds, he stopped midway. Khushi who was fervently running her fingers through his coal dark thick hair at the nape of his neck, froze for a moment.
"where is the necklace I gave you," Arnav rasped.
"Khushi'", he whispered lowering his lips to ears, "it was a gift, my love, I want to see you in nothing but that necklace."
 Those words went like lightning through her, causing her heart to pound and ejecting a sudden rush of molten love from her femaleness.
Khushi could not believe her ears, did Arnav really sat that! Could she really do this for him? Something in his face told her that he needed her just the way he had explained. It would be his salve, his redemption from years of pain behind those haunted eyes.
 Arnav lifted her off the bed as she debated what to do next. He scooped her up against him. "Where is it", he queried. "On your bathroom counter", she shyly replied.
 He strode towards the bathroom with her clinging to his chest. He stood astride, in front of the wide and full length bathroom mirror. He lowered khushi to her feet. She stood infront of him, eyes shut, unsure of what was to happen next. He watched her reflection in the mirror, shy, delicate, and completely ensconced by the width of his shoulders behind her, her kameez lay by wayside on either side of her shoulders and her arms covering her bosom from his searing eyes. Arnav stepped closer and before she could react, he ripped open her kurthi as it fell in two pieces on either side. Khushi screamed in horror and turned around to hug him tight around his waist. He could see the full expanse of her flawless back in the mirror, the gentle rise of her smooth hips and the contours of her slender legs.
 "Shhh shhh shhh,", his gentle voice calmed her and he slowly turned her around to expose her beautiful image to the admiring look of her lover, in the full length mirror. Arnav held his breath as he admired his love. Khushi looked away, shy and unable to meet his dark brown eyes that were visually making love to her.
 No one knew how, but before long Khushi was standing against arnav, fully unclothed and feasted upon by his loving gaze. She made a futile attempt to cover her feminineness with her hands, but arnav pried her hands away and held them on either sides. Almost afraid that he might have hurt her again, his palms caressed her arms in a slow, slithery movement downwards.
 "Khushi...", he whispered with a pain only lovers understood in their deepest moments of ecstasy, " you are so beautiful..."
He gathered her lush hair in his hand and lifted it over to slip the necklace around her neck. She adjusted the clasp, a sign of accepting his gift. He pulled her hair, lifting her face and turned it towards him. "That's better, my love".
 She closed her eyes, assured that he would kiss her in that instant. She shuddered as he draped his arms over her breasts, cupping one while covering the other with his muscular forearm, as if to shield it from the evil eye of the mirror and slipped the other hand to cover her feminine mound. His dark skin looked even more dark set against her alabaster skin. He held her in his gaze over the mirror, assessing if his hands covered her most feminine aspects well, adjusting slightly to give more coverage, feeling the heat radiating from his khushi's nether regions. Time stopped for khushi as she felt his protection of her femaleness, his devotion was evident and his need for her clear. 
 In a sudden movement, he let go of her and took several steps away from her, averting his eyes away from her. Shocked at his sudden withdrawal, khushi turned around to question him.
 He lifted a robe from the bathroom stand and handed it to her, his eyes still averted.
 "Wear this khushi, before I lose control and do something irreversible."
 She felt deflated, tears stung her eyes at what she thought was rejection. She robed herself and turned to leave the bathroom. She looked back one last time and answered, "Mujhe issay fark padtha hai, suna apne Mr. Raizada!". She turned fled the room as fast her feet could take her.
 The words clapped and echoed in his ears, words he had wanted to hear from her, words that meant the world to him.
 "Khushi'. I will make you mine tomorrow, it's a promise", he growled with heat and desire cutting every word he spewed. Arnav knew what he had to do. He’d wait for the others to return then he would make his final announcement.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

To Hell with Romance and Logic. Welcome Cliche!!

Disclaimer - This is purely a fun post, no offense intended towards the creators or fans of IPKKND. Its my devotion to this show that makes me do this.

Relaxing on her lounge chair by the deep blue Pacific sea, covered in sun screen SPF 125 no less, a large straw hat shielding her delicate face from the relentless UV raysof the Hawaiian sun, no mobile, no laptop, no electronic gadgetry to take away from her peaceful retreat, Ms Logic takes long sips of her margarita.

Meanwhile at the OPKKND studios, CVs are running helter-skelter searching for Ms. Logic, who has mysteriously disappeared from the set, without so much as by your leave. Everyone's scratching their heads trying to locate her but her mobile is switched off, no one is picking her home phone, and her mail box is full, so the emails are bouncing too. No one has a clue how to reach her.

Ms. Logic lowers her large Prada sunglasses,  over the rim of the glasses from beneath the perfect row of eye lashes, she eyes the beach God in his trunks with perfectly sculpted abs and taut hiney, walking the beach in her direction. She raises her eyebrow and whistles silently in full admiration of the sight in front of her. She swings her legs off the lounge chair, her yellow sarong shifting slightly to reveal long tanned legs, and saunters in long elegant strides towards the beach God. 

Meanwhile at the IPKKND studios, the crew rings an emergency meeting. Lalit is screaming at the top of his voice, while his TRP aunty keeps texting him incessantly about the state of upcoming episodes. Gul is worried that her show is going to tank and decides to appear in an emergency interview to Rangmunch to silence the restive fans. The moderator of the meeting throws his hands up in the air in sheer confusion and it's finally decided that Dr. Hackjob will be invited to salvage the absolute chaos caused by the sudden disappearance of Ms. Logic.

Ms. Logic removes her glasses and extends her hand to the beach God, "Hello there", she croons in her husky voice. The beach God turns and looks straight into her eyes. A smile forms at the corners of his mouth and he extends his masculine, large hands to engulf Ms. Logic's dainty palm in a protective, possessive and strange intrusion, "Hello there, you too". 

Dr. Hackjob is called. He is the local expert who consults with other lofty and successful serials such as :-
"Partner, Give me companionship but no S*x",
"Respect - But how long, without an Extramarital Affair",
"Lamp or Wick, Fist or Kick?"
"What is this relationship called?, Hell, We've No idea".
He arrives on scene and joins the war room meeting. At the end of their ropes, CVs and he decide there is only route left to take. They immediately send an errand boy to the Star Plus headquarters to fetch them the most recent publication of Star Plus Channel's highly proprietary Manual:-
 The Book of Cliches '  Tricks and tips when you have no goddamn clue what next to do.  

CVs riffle through the pages in desperation. There is no bank of episodes for tomorrow and shit, they already aired a promo they don't know how to deliver. Someone suggests Chapter 23 and everyone turns to page 552 of Chapter 23 ' How to clean up the mess when Snake appears and Ms. Logic disappears

"Care for a drink?", asks the nonchalant Beach God and Ms. Logic is simply thrilled at her sheer stroke of luck. She tilts her head assessing her new found treasure and nods in a slight but not an over eager agreement. He extends his left hand and she takes it. Both walk away from the beach towards the small straw hut that sits awfully lonely, accompanied by silent companionship of coconut groves and shushing winds. 

"Bingo!", cries CV Number 1. Everyone turns to him and he sketches out a plan. "That should keep the viewers chewing their nails until we locate Ms. Logic". Lalit jumps with joy and calls the crew to assemble in the halls of RM. All the spot boys and production team take their positions and Lalit sends for Barun and Sanaya. The spot boy rushes back looking harried and reports to Lalit, "Now Mr. Romance was supposed to be here today but he is not in his dressing room". Lalit falls off the director's chair with an anguished and pained cry, "Cut it'" and he passes out. Dr. Hackjob rushes to Lalit and assures him that they can do this completely without Mr. Romance and Ms. Logic. 

Far away in Hawaii, Beach God nuzzles dangerously close to Ms. Logic's ear and whispers, "They call me Mr. Romance", and continues in his sexiest baritone ever, "Where were you all my life?" Ms. Logic replies in her huskiest silky best, as she envelopes his manly torso in her long arms, "Searching for you darling". The thought of IPKKND crew flashes through her mind for a brief second, but is soon replaced by the unrelenting kiss of Mr. Romance. The setting sun bears witness to the ensuing promise of an evening, perhaps even an entire month, of untold pleasures and passion.

Meanwhile, the viewers of IPKKND get screwed and get shown the finger - for Mr. Romance has eloped with Ms. Logic to the Hawaiian Islands on a long vacation with no estimated time of return.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Practicalities of Marrying The ASR

Co Author - Music1 (for her funny additions)

There is no reason to believe that ASR and Khushi will have an idyllic married life like Payash. Just as sparks fly in anger and passion when the two are in the same room, I suspect their personal belongings will share a similarly tempestuous relationship. Here is a preview of what to expect. 
Sleeping arrangements - The large king side bed will finally be put to good use! Will they sleep in the same bed or will one be banished to an uncomfortable, cramp-inducing couch? Who will take the left side and who the right? Will they push and pull the single large blanket and struggle it off each other during the night or will they get separate blankets? *Gasp* will they cuddle?
Bathroom arrangements - Who gets to claim the counter space? Who will claim the bathroom first thing in the morning? Does Arnav leave the toilet seat up or down? Will they fight over this like any other sensible couple?  Will he have to shower in lavender and sandalwood body washes and come out smelling like a basket of flowers? Will she use his shaving gel to do her legs? (HeadOverHeels addition) - What about the medicine cabinet? Will insulin and birth control pills become best buds? Will tampons replace the endless stashes of crepe bandages?
Poolside Arrangements - After agreeing to disagree on the bathroom and bedroom space sharing arrangements, they find the pool side floor. They agree on this - you take the left side of the pool and me the right . We can solve the bathroom sharing issue by taking a bath together in the pool later. So it seems, everything happens here? How about the pool side furniture? Will they fight for it? Or will they break it?  ASR on the chair, Khushi on ASR's lap? His laptop turns a deep shade of green with envy.
Wardrobe and Dresser - Khushi's riot of colorful outfits will compete for space in ASR's well organized monochromatic wardrobe. Will her clothes push aside his? How will he react when his perfect creases are messed up by our her careless saree? Dupattas will compete with ties. Will the tie snap at duppata or will the dupatta slap the tie back? In this disarray, will ASR ever dress on time to leave for office? Wait, he does not have an office. Never mind.
Do ASR's monochromatic underwear feel jealous of Khushi's colorful, floral panties? Will khushi's pink panty beat up his brown boxer black and blue!!
Arnav's Spartan toiletry hates to be in the same space as the vast collection of bindi's, glitter make-up, hair ornaments and bangles on the dresser. They argue about class over crass. Don't be surprised if he goes to meetings with an off bindi stuck to his cheek or glitter on his forehead. He is newly married, therefore, excused. 
Laptop vs. Devi Mayya on the office table? Laptop will lose this battle. Devi Maiyya rules. 
Night clothes - Will they ever sleep? Will ASR still dress in suit and formals? Please CVs, time to go shopping. Get ASR some decent looking T-shirts and Pjs and KKG some sexy nighties or even her simple salwars. No saree to bed, no one sleeps in sarees anymore. 
ASR's plants - plan to see a long dry spell. ASR's hands are going to be full. Plants, my sympathies, ASR has found a new hobby that keeps him busy, its called Khushi. But, there is hope. She can water you with the bucketful of tears she plans to shed  - kisee ka dukh kisee ka sukh
Breakfast/lunch/dinner - Will Khushi be the quintessential Bahu who serves ASR food or will she sit with everyone else and eat like they do in normal families? Will her toes caress his leg him under the table or will snap his toes with her joothis? Will she make sugar-free jalebis or switch to chocolate pudding for him?
Oh, the possibilities are endless and the coming weeks are going to reveal it all for us. Stay tuned.

Facebook Page Complaints to Lalit Mohan

Dear Lalit

I am your Facebook page. I've been meaning to write to you for so long, yet haven't been able to do so because my department is so freaking busy. I am writing this letter to air my grievances and seek your attention and help in resolving the issues faced by my department.

Ever since you opened your account with us, our work load has quadrupled with no end in sight. My team has to handle truckloads of comments, complaints, brickbats, accolades, rotten eggs, rotten tomatoes and what not every day.

By Jove, I am by far the most busy page in the history of Facebook pages. Just the other day, Mr. Wall was complaining to me that he got a herniated disc under the burden of sheer number of comments written on his back. The Photo Album was seething in fury that some odd sepia infused yellow photograph was causing such a furor in his section that he had to hire extra help to clean the environmental toxic waste due to excessive estrogen spill and wild speculations. His entire team is yellow without oxygen buried in the sea of estrogen-induced toxicity.

The Info section was not happy, no less. She said, you wrote something obscure that you are not Lalit Mohan for real but then for real you are, or real Lalit Mohan will say that you are not or that you are not Lalit Mohan in reality but reality sucks or some such nonsense, i forget exactly. What the!! Please change that Lalit because transparency, honesty and interactivity define the age of social media.

We don't mind the love, and the fun comments but those barbs really hurt *ouch*. Some comments are so over the top and badly written that I want to buy every fan of yours an Oxford Dictionary pronto with ARHI's Married picture printed on the front and Devi Mayya's picture on the back. I think it will make a great collectible item, think about it. Some post are so nasty and downright rotten they stink like crazy. Some are gooey, dripping with Jalebi sugary syrup that i want to gag at the sheer bullshit of praise they write.

The Status/What's on your mind department hardly gets any work, its unfair. That group is woken once or twice a week if that, when your highness feels the urge to throw some bits to the fans. Now, Lalit, don't be such a miser with words, your fans want to hear from you, put that Status department to work. The Likes button is very happy in all this because he gets touched, caressed and loved every day by the ever growing legion of fans that you are collecting.

Please take the time to warn me before sh*tty episodes or hot-promos, so I can hire extra pair of helping hands to manage the onslaught of traffic. Just today, I got so many rotten tomatoes and eggs that I had to use the entire year's supply of Windex to clean my face!

I need a raise, a promotion and a transfer to another less busy serial director. Somethings gotta give or I will die with sheer exhaustion. Hope you will give me the much needed TLC to recover, recuperate and re-energize. Please don't ignore me for long periods of time, it makes me cranky, crabby and want to hit somebody with a baseball bat. Yeah, I can totally see why some employees go postal.

With best posts ever
Yours truly Facebook Page

Friday, February 10, 2012

TRP Aunty's Letter To Lalit Mohan - Feb 10th, 2012

I am not doing hits/misses/thoughts version today. Just trying desperately to find humor in today's episode. Its unfair to judge a full soap on its day to day episode, but, if there ever was a Cliche Central, today was it! Here is a memo to Lalitji from TRP Aunty. Enjoy!

Dear Lalit Beta

Sub Khairiat? Beta, this is your TRP Aunty from Star Plus channel. Of course, sending you love and a gentle reminder that this loving aunty is central to your survival and existence in the entertainment industry. I know beta, sometimes I am not able to help you because I have to give my other nieces and nephews a chance to shine too, but I feel, off late, I have been very kind and generous to you.

I am writing this letter to you to talk about today's show and upcoming misunderstanding track. I am so excited and happy to note that you are taking the show in a direction that makes me, your TRP Aunty, very happy!!! My residence, The Cliche Central erupted in joy, when khushi kept making the same mistakes over and over and getting herself deeper and deeper in the doodoo of her own creation.

Beta, this is exactly what sorryface-martyrdom-seeking-sacrificial-lamb heroine should do. All my friends, you know the other TRP Aunties from the neighborhood had gathered at Cliche Central, over Chai and pakoras, and we were dancing "Dhink Chika" when ASR walked in right when the most damaging blow to khushi was delivered. Applause and kudos to you!!

My son, unlike you, other nieces and nephews do a lot to please me. They deliver my favorite episodes centering on dhoklas, theplas, daal, rasoi, kidnapping, illiterate heroine, oppressed ambitious heroine, hellish mother-in-law, elaborate plots against daugher-in-law, villains who do nothing better with their lives than raise hell others. For a while, I was not happy with you because you were the black sheep, you did not abide by these family rules.

Then you brought romance and Aunty could not believe her eyes. For the first time after my menopause, I actually felt stirrings of desire in me. I was overjoyed and going goo-goo-ga ga over this dude ASR. I was getting hot, wet and wild about him. Just as I was ready to bless you to go all the way beyond The Kiss, Uncleji returned home from his long Theerth Yathra (Pilgrimage). His wrinkled, saggy body and overgrown paunch brought me back to my reality and I thought, I can't let khushi have all the fun!

Thats why I had called you the other day and left a message that Beta, if you want me to be really happy, bring sadomasochism back because I can't handle hotness, it gives me serious hot-flashes. And today you brought a smile to my face. As my other menopausal friends and I watched, I felt this khushi needs to be taught a lesson for "phasaoing"/netting a rich, handsome dude like ASR. And my child, you dealt her the right blow. My cantankerous friends and I would like to see full use of glycerin next week, make her cry, my boy! If you need inspiration for your Crying Lead, please see this other character called Goopee BooHoo who has perfected the art of looking constipated even when making love. And Goopee, god bless that girl, is a sweetheart of my friends.

And beta, never give the heroine a voice. just dumb her down. The other day, getting inspired by Khushi's spunk, my own Bahu revolted against my strict warning not to make Jalebis. Now you know my son, TRP Jr. loves his jalebi making wife and it makes me so jealous. Inspired by Mamiji, I dumped a bowlful of salt into the Jalebi dough. Bwahahaha! Bahu was in tears all day and I knew I had to tell you pronto, not to make a strong, smart heroine, it ruins my peace of mind.

It would go without saying that all this fighting between ASR and khushi cannot and should not lead to more conversations, confessions and *gasp* make up sex! No son, that would be TRP hara kiri and totally suicidal. You never take such brazen chances and risk offending my hypocrisy, not to mention my vigilantism. Listen, son, I don't mind a drunk Chikni Chameli, with her almost non-existent clothing and a choli that threatens to spill its contents, dance among a bunch of ogling men. But make up sex between two love birds, HEAVENS! Don't give TRP Jr. and my Bahu any ideas!!!

Also, beta, let me advice this, a full clear-the-air conversation is not only NOT healthy but also downright intelligent. Intelligence ruins the story and gives me mild angina and arthritic cramps. You see, the way I establish an iron rule in the house is I never let my Bahu and Son have a full minute of conversation. I make every effort to interrupt and break their conversation. When they are in their bedroom, its hard to do that. Then I make excuses of bad back and leg pain to have Bahu come and do "Seva" for me. That prevents any and all conversation. Since Khushi does not have a MIL from hell like me, make Anjali the unwitting interrupt to ASR and Khushi's conversation.

Regarding Syam babua, what can I say. He is the apple of my eyes. A villain without a purpose. I think you read my last email to you about giving him some real balls. The scorpion was seriously attracted to Laxmi, the goat, and had lost its ability to perform. i am glad you empowered him with real balls *hic*. Altough, today, I half expected Khushi to kick him in his new-fangled balls, but thankfully, she did no such thing because you listened to me and dumbed her down.

All in all, Beta, you are doing great! Today's episode marks a good beginning to pleasing my friends and me, your TRP Aunties. Remember, half spoken words, rumors, half-baked conversations and non-existent intelligence, this combination make me very happy.

God bless you my child. I am sending you a check of $1 as a gift. And keep up the good work, I promise to send you rankings and higher scores via DHL or speedpost to help you along.

With hugs and misunderstandings
TRP Aunty

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Memo to ASR from Human Resources - WARNING!!!

Dear Mr. Raizada

This letter is to inform you that there are serious "Ghotalas" happening at your residence as we speak. In light of these recent events, my company, The Godforsaken Fans Limited has decided to notify you to bring these blatant conducts of misappropriations and improprieties by members of your household to your attention.

Our HR has decided to send your entire family to political sensitivity and productivity training classes, in order to improve the overall efficiency of your home force.

Your brother Akash has built castles in the air of becoming a Papa. He does not know what it takes to make babies and still thinks hugging brings the stork home. We are disappointed at his incompetence in this field and wish to send him to a workshop held on our campus called, "The Kamasutra Putra", for those who want to apply kamasutra for a putra (ie. a son)

Your future SIL, Payal, is haunted by the ghosts of her past. She doesn't find any humor or does not seem to relax enough to enjoy her upcoming nuptials. For her, we recommend a special one week retreat to Camp Free Love, where she will be kept so busy, she wont have the time to think of the ghosts of her past.

Your sister, the theist Anjali suffers from serious addiction to her husband. This is impeding her judgment and ability to function. Our counselors suggest she be sent to "Pooja, Paath Aur Pathi, Vagayra Vagayra etc etc" Detox center. A good dose of enema and a strong potion of diuretic mixed with diaphoretic agent will divest her of her devotion.

Your brother-in-law, Shyam suffers from sex addiction. This is impeding his judgment and ability to think straight. Our counselors suggest he be sent to "Camp Bubba on Viagra". Here, he will be fully treated by Bubba overdosed on this magic blue pill. Shyam will be put to work in good company of other able men. A good week after this, any remote longing left in his loins will be long lost.

Your Mamiji is has a potent case of Ghati-Complex. In this condition, the person affected feels he/she is superior to others in every way, when the reality is that they go to lengths to insult and humiliate others just to hide their gaping flaws. Our HR said retaining this relative in your employment is creating a toxic atmosphere for everyone and she should be put on notice with immediate effect. A last ditch remedial action could be to tie the hag down and throw her into the pit dug exclusively for Laxmi's morning use. Although this action might offend Laxmi, we are willing to negotiate this with her. 

Your future father in law, Baabuji was tested by our special HR officer Awesome.Sauce and she noted that he is too dependent on his team and suffers from unprovoked episodes of spasm and jerks. She recommends "Seizure Academy" to help him be an independent team player. Buaji was tested too and it was found that she has a bad habit setting dates for young people. In fact, her last attempt almost prompted illegal activity such as bigamy. HR recommends she immediately read the manual on "Matchmakers from Hell" and understand the rules and regulations in place at your residence. Garima needs to work on her low self-esteem, which brings down the morale of everyone around her. We would like to have her read "7 habits of effective people" by Steve Covey, so she can start putting herself to effective use for her daughters.
Your future wife, Khushi, suffers from an acute case of "Do-Good-Do-Doodoo". In other words, her good deeds never go unpunished. See the recent case of hiding your BIL's truth and the amount of shit that she got herself into. For her, we recommend you book a hotel room for one full week and spend the entire week with her in that room, treating her. I've recommended this in the past and repeat this recommendation since its time tested and true. You both need to get on with it. Room service and hotel charges are on us.

With that sir, we wind up our appeal for your attention and hope you will take charge of the situation, think on your feet and not revert back to your old ways of ASR, which we had to work on 8 freaking months, otherwise, HR will be compelled to send you to sensitivity training too and you will be forced to attend "Camp-Do Khushi Kumari Gupta but you can't touch her". We sincerely hope it does not come to that.

Serial Junkie
VP Human Resources (HR)
The Godforsaken Fan Ltd.

Thoughts on Dangerous beginnings - Feb 9th, 2012

Location: RM, Anjali's tryst with her God's cut short, but the driver might make a quick door call to the Pearly Gates and be back. It's hard to find humor in today's episode, but because the fans are going to be totally glum about it, not to mention the sordid pre-cap doing a number on our collective nerves, I will try my best.

ASRs complete, unvarnished love for his sister.  This is his Achilles heel and this is where it's going hurt to him most. Lovely scene between Daljeet and Barun! Kudos!

Khushi's most unfortunate choice of words. A timely shove with a resounding slap was fully called for. But NO, our lovely IPK makers have the uncanny knack of injecting the most inappropriate and damaging actions and words, right when we DON'T need it.
Hai Devi Maiyya, I pray for the well-being of our fans. Hate, misunderstanding, forced marriage and what not. We will need a lot of group therapy. And Gautam Hegde's message was right on, please continue with your other, what-is-called real lives because, by God, I am scared sh*t of your fanaticism and don't want blood on my hands, lest any of you decide to take things too far. GH, Real-life? What real-life? I have none left.

Akash - Papa mein Papa ban gaya, Papa, mein Papa ban gaya. WHAT!!! I can become Papa! How! When! Where! Why! I know JACK about how to become Papa...Papaaa, help!!!!
ASR - Someone's gonna pay for this. And what's this, you and Jeeju? You sicken me, you!!  And the dangerous beginning of a hate track is here'.
Khushi - Let me run a quick checklist of "How to make my upcoming life most miserable". - Inspired by Master Card commercial
  • Let the creep hug me a moment too long and not shove him with lightning speed ' Check
  • Let the creep finish his sentences before I react ' Check
  • Use the most damaging words that will ensure a fast and furious suffering for me ' Check
  • Ensure that ASR walks in on me and sees it all ' Priceless!!
There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there is Master Plan, the world's most twisted, out-there plan forced by the mighty powers-that-be of Star Plus channel, solely to please the aunties who generate TRPs.
Anjali - I love my God's but I am in no hurry.
Mamiji - Phati Saree, are you ready for your dangerous beginnings. You don't like the trailer? Wait, I got the whole picture coming up for you. And its not a Disney movie and I am no Cruella Deville
And'.The Gupta Parivar takes the prize for the most out-to-lunch bunch of clueless people. Here is a big fat moose sitting right smack dab in the middle of the table, called Mamiji, and they are more worried about some distant past of Payal.

The Departure

 The quiet room told her it was well past 8 a.m. and that meant her exuberant and talkative roommate was out of the room. She jumped out of her bed flinging the sage hued velor blanket aside and stood up. Her swiftness left her a bit unsteady as she tottered bleary eyed towards the bathroom. She had slept at 4am, staying up to finish the last of her assignment. It was a matter of few more weeks and she would graduate with a Masters in Fashion Design. 

Enjoying her cool shower, she thought about the past few years which would finally culminate in her graduation in a few weeks. She shut her eyes to let the needles of cold water bring her eyes back to wakefulness. She slicked her wet hair back and unhooked the loofah from the shower caddy. She poured a generous amount of a lavender body bath lotion on it absentmindedly, as her thoughts raced back to the time she had started the Fashion Design program. The years had rolled by so fast, and the program was challenging enough to keep her intelligent mind engaged and busy. She was far from home and far from Arnav. 

Arnav. His thought always brought a smile to her face. She loved him to this day. She had never really forgotten him. But as she got caught up in the rigor of the program, it was inevitable for them to drift apart in more ways than one. 

Khushi had enforced this separation upon them, as a way to protect her sanity and to prevent Arnav from breaking her heart yet again. The thought of seeing each other only during holidays or breaks, the longing and desperation had consumed their young minds, yet Khushi knew that he needed to sort this out in his mind more than her, before they could truly unite as a whole. Days turned to months and the separation became more bearable for her. She was surrounded by campus activities and there was not a minute to spare. She loved the newness of her environment and was relieved to be out of the small-town mentality that had defined her for so long. It was paradoxical for a small-town girl like her to find solace and wisdom in the hustle and bustle of a big campus.

Arnav wanted to possess her, consume her and own her in every way a girl would love to be loved. Yet, khushi knew his need for possession arose from a dark history that he never completely shared with her. She was willing to fight the demons of his mind; he had just had to let her in completely. He was vulnerable and only she could shield him the way he deserved to be shielded. She had tried many times and each time she was hurt by his resistance. His thoughts brought a fresh bout of pain in her. She scrubbed herself harder trying to wash herself off his memories. If only it were that easy.

Out of the shower, she draped a towel around herself and cursed her roommate for leaving strands of hair on the floor. She pulled a ply of toilet paper and scooped up the stray hairs and some grey fuzz from the floor and threw it in garbage. Water dripped from her hair and her eyes were bloodshot, a combined result of lack of sleep and excessive soap. She slipped out of her towel into her panties and her favorite broken-in denim jeans. She hurriedly pulled over a ubiquitous T-shirt with the university logo emblazoned in its chest. There wasn't enough time to dry her hair so she quickly combed it and pulled her lovely mane into a tight pony-tail, a very un-becoming style for her oval face, as Arnav loved to point out. Her hair, a feature that Arnav had loved, and had wanted it kept flowing and untied in its resplendent glory. She remembered their long nights when all he wanted was stroke her silky hair till she feel sound asleep, safe and protected by his loving arms. She shook herself back to her present. A quick coat of lipgloss and a dab of perfume and she was on her way out. She rushed across the university main street to make it just in time for the Design lecture.

She laid her back-pack heavily on the floor by her seat and took out her notes neatly bound together in a well-labeled white binder. She exchanged a few cursory hellos with fellow students and began to pore over her notes to recollect where they had left in the last class. She knew she was a little behind in her coursework but it was nothing a good large cup of coffee and an all-nighter could not pull off. 

Her skills at Chikankari was first commercially launched by Arnav's company, AR associates. He was so proud of her work that he decided to employ her again as a lead design consultant for their ethnic wear department. Arnav would watch her lovingly, as she would describe her latest design, and much to her chagrin, she could never come to the finish of presentation because inevitably, Arnav would scoop her up in his arms and take her to his private room to learn the very private design matters that only the two of them secretly shared. A smile crossed Khushi's lips as she recalled those intimate moments with Arnav. The office was aware of their relationship and it never failed to heighten her embarrassment when Arnav would page her to his office for yet another private "design" discussion meeting. He was so giving and so vulnerable in their intimate moments. But she knew she failed to reach his innermost secrets and she failed to heal whatever gnawed this flawed man. If only he gave her one chance. Perhaps, it was too late. Perhaps, he did not miss her with the same intensity as she missed him.She caught herself thinking of Arnav many times today. It could have been because it was his birthday and she had debated the day before whether to call him and wish him. She chose to make that decision later in the day when she had some time to herself.

After their last phone conversation had ended in a shouting match, they hadn't exchanged any text messages or called each other by way of an apology. She had resisted relenting as she had done in the past. She felt he was especially unreasonable and demanding this time. He had wanted her to come down for his birthday celebration, he was hitting 30 and his family had arranged a big birthday bash for him. Everyone in town was invited. Her family was too and in a remote way, Arnav had hoped for a reconciliation or reunion of sorts with her using his birthday as an excuse. She knew their lives had begun to seriously diverge and it was getting increasingly difficult to find a common ground for discussion. Their lives seem have beocme parallel tracks, moving in tandem, yet, somehow, never meeting each other. 

It was not their fault, she concluded, looking away from her workbook, it was a natural albeit bitter progression. She felt uneasy for some reason and she began to realize she did love Arnav and would continue to love him forever. She knew she was incapable of loving any other man the way she had loved him and it was just a sorry fact that Arnav thought of her selfish and an escapist. She sighed letting her worries rest on her involuntary frown.

The class was about to begin when she heard commotion outside the room. There were noises and muffled sounds of what appeared to be gun-shots. Her mind couldn't fathom what was going on, as more confusion, shouts and commotion followed, with students in her class room bolting from their seats, shrieking, screaming and scrambling towards the windows and the two exits to the corridor. She turned to look towards one of the doors when she felt a swish of air near her face and a jolt of excruciating pain on her chest. Confused, she felt the spot where the jolt had hit her. The area felt warm and wet. She looked down and saw a patch of blood expanding swiftly on the cotton fabric of her T-shirt, in all directions, with a bloody and hollow epicenter where the bullet had hit her. She did not feel any pain nor did she panic. She got up knowing that she had to get help to stop the blood but her legs wouldn't cooperate. She crumbled to the floor, her legs waning in strength to hold her youthful body. She knew she had to lie still, very still.

Holding on to a chair for support, she got down on her weak knees and laid herself on the floor, lying on the injured side. She lowered her dizzy head and cradled it in the pit formed by her bent elbow. The floor was cold but she could feel the warm trickle of her blood oozing to the floor and pooling under her. She knew she had to be still and keep calm. She began to slowly hum a song Arnav always sang to her, over the phone or strummed on his guitar as she gazed at him lovingly sitting in their favorite perch by the poolside. She saw him descend towards her to kiss her softly, as the bright rays of sun shone behind his head haloing and silhouetting him. She heard him call her softly, "Khushiii, Shhh, shhh, shhh, it will be alright, my love. I am here now." She reached out to caress his face. He held her hand close to his face and moved his lips to kiss her palm. She called his name in a whisper and wished him a happy birthday as he nodded and laid a kiss on her cheek. Then, she closed her eyes languidly for a long-awaited, much needed sleep while her face took on a beatific and satisfied aura. She knew she had to go now. She knew Arnav would understand.

Arnav felt a familiar breeze of air hit his face. It happened each time he felt the presence of his love. He stopped in the middle of his presentation as he felt a crushing shot of pain in his heart. He clutched his chest hard and staggered over to the table for support. Steadying himself, he looked around the room to find his office team standing shocked and frozen, watching him stagger and lose his balance. His secretary jumped across the room to hold him steady and called out the office peon to place an urgent call to the doctor.

His chest was felt like a strong vice closing in on him and crushing his inner guts, most of all his heart. His lips went dry, suddenly drained of any life juices and he felt extreme thirst, like he had never felt before. He stumbled to the floor, cracking his temples as his head hit the side of the table with the fall. He heard a collective gasp in the room and more flutter of activities around him. He wanted to lie down.

He pulled his knees to his chest and curled in a fetal position, looking vulnerable and spent. His ears drummed fast, drowning all the noises around him. He felt the breeze that caressed his body, soothing him as he closed his eyes.

"Arnav Sir, Arnav Sir! Can you hear me?", a distant voice called out to him. But he was drifting away, he knew. As he turned his head to the voice, it morphed into the soothing lullaby of his beloved, his khushi.

"Arnav! Arnav, it me", the voice gently called out to him as it echoed and drifted from a distance, becoming clearer and closer and more insistent. "Open your eyes my love, its me!", the voice urged again. He peeled his lids open and what he saw made his longing worse. Her face hovered over his, silhouetted and shadowed by the halo of bright sunlight around her. She looked like an angel. Yes, she is my angel.

"Arnav, I've come for you, my love.", her ethereal voice echoed in his hears. He smiled, instantly feeling at peace and one with the love of his life. He strained to form the words to offer an apology for the years of cruelty, the years of resistance and the years of distance. He lifted his right arm to touch her soft face. The cool breeze was soothing and comforting. She cradled his head in her arms and gently rocked him with a lullaby. It was their love-song.

"Khushiii, you are here". His voice rasped over his pain. "Yes, my love, I am here for you", her voice light as a cloud floated over him.

"Somebody, please bring the gurnee, we need to wheel Arnav to the hospital" a panic stricken voice teared through the heavenly haze he felt in her arms. He felt many hands lifting him off the floor and placing him on the gurnee. She began retreating away from him with outstretched arms trying to wave him good bye. But he did not want to let her go, ever! "Don't leave yet, my love" he pleaded. "I have to go", she said it with sadness that tore through his heart giving him fresh bout of pain. "Take me with you", he pleaded. She smiled and reached out to him with her hands. He placed his hands in hers and felt himself rising from the gurnee to be with her.

Suddenly, there was no pain, he felt himself join her in a loving embrace as their hands clasped together and their bodies merged their matter to one, their souls as one, and their destinies as one. It was a perfect union.

A chart was filled by the attending doctor in Delhi
Name: Arnav Singh Raizada
Dead on Arrival.
Cause of death: Acute Cardiac Arrest
Time of Death: Tuesday January 30th, 9:30 am
Next of kin notified

A similar chart was filled in Mumbai at the same time

Name: Khushi Kumari Gupta alias Khushi Kumari Raizada
Dead on Arrival
Cause of Death: Bullet wound to the heart
Time of Death: Tuesday January 30th, 9:30 am
Next of kin notified

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Thoughts on ASR's dirty Talk - Feb 8th, 2012

Synopsis - Feb 8th, 2012
The day of Payash wedding at Raizada Mansion (RM). ASR wants to "talk" to khushi. Anjali is on her free-falling roller coaster drive down the highway, dangerously close to an actual visit with her 32000 Gods. Meanwhile Shyam is doing his own talking to his inner beast, which goads him "You loser, you want khushi? we want blood, we want blood, we want blood"

Unspoken  confessions, words irrelevant, yet ASR and Khushi said a million things to each other with those expressive eyes. Now the real test of time is upon them. Let's hope the CVs will give them enough love and intelligence to go through the next difficult phase of their life with grace and dignity.
Hellelujah! Some dirty talk got some forum members in a knot! Long Live Freedom of expression and Long Live the Blogs. Let the smuts of the world unite with or without the forum.

Shyam has his first outbreak of schizophrenia. His madness has reached a crescendo, there is no turning back. Its do or die from here. 
How in the world did they transport the entire boutique right into RM beats me. They must think we are blind. Same mirror, same scrolls, same carpet. The only thing missing were Lavanya and her vanity. Production Art Crew, can we please not be so obvious?

ASR - Do you have to cry? Would you cry after our the first time? What! you will! every time? Holy sh*t, I better keep loads of tissue boxes next to loads of "protection". You will be crying a lot, my love.
Khushi - I love to cry in ecstasy and in pain. Whats wrong with that?

ASR -  Hmmm. Lets have "The Talk".(errr,  that's usually reserved for after the mind-blowing romp between sheets, but what the heck!). I want to do a whole lot more to you than just talk, but, lets start with the talk.
Khushi - Talk? He wants to talk. What is left to talk? Can't he just get on with it!!

Shyam - Nah uh! You don't talk! Today, I talk. I talk crazy. I talk mad, lunatic, schizophrenic talk. Talk!! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Driver - Ma'am, I can still talk. There is a slight bit itty-bitty problem with the car, the brakes failed and we may need to crash. I'm cool with it. No panic and I can still talk. 
Anjali - I can't talk, Nani, the brakes just failed!
Payal - And I thought this talk was about my marriage! Everyone's doing their own talks! Khushi and Arnav, Shyam and his madness, NK and his crush. What about me? Who has time to talk to me!

Gupta Parivar - Hunh! We thought we could hold the talk until Khushi's wedding. But the cat is out of the bag. Kids these days, they talk too much!

Lalit Mohan - No, no, no, no, they can't just talk? That would be too good of a thing. Interrupt, interrupt, interrupt, thats the mantra. Got its CVs? Get the waiter and extras dressed for interruption!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Thoughts on ASR's Tummy and Muscles. Feb 06, 2012

Its the day before Payash wedding. Guptas are serving lunch to guests on Pattals. There is a cow in the visitors list. The cow chows down the plates instead of the food on the plates. ASR comes to the rescue and brings in enough plates to feed the entire city of Delhi. Khushi and ASR are much in love and a Rabba-Ve is thrown in that hits the heart. Shyam is busy applying his versatile mechanical skills to loosening the brake oil box. 

Its contagious, you know, this thing called love. And the fire burns with equal fervor on both sides.The Rabba-Ve was the first, most meaningful one ever.Khushi and ASR locked eyes on each other and traveled the distance of the veranda uninterrupted, saying millions of unspoken confessions, silent endearments and noiseless communion. 
Dear Fans, REJOICE!! Barun is not growing a paunch! What a relief! Posts after posts speculated that Barun might be losing weight, gaining weight, losing muscle, gaining paunch, yada, yada, yada. The state of ASR's body is strong and quite virile. He does look tired, and, broken record, needs a haircut. 
NK, Shyam take a back seat bros, when ASR speaks, you shut up. Got it?
For the first time, there is a somewhat of a sinister plan from Shyam. His IQ grows by the day and I wonder, if it has something to do with fans slamming the creatives for Shyam's idiotic ideas.
The Countrified Arnav Singh Raizada.
I half expected ASR to gift a bracelet studded with rhinestones, Swarovski, heck, even diamonds, but he gets her traditional glass bangles. I was damn sure ASR would bring in 5 star hotel service to Gupta's but he brings Pattals.
That does it. The Countrification of ASR has begun. 
CVs misunderstood when I said I want to see the breakdown of mighty ASR into loving a Arnav. I didn't mean breakdown of polished ASR into a countrified Arnav. *shakes head*. Next up, ASR falls for a bindi. What's more? ASR shops for Paranda (hair extensions), Pom-poms and Gotas? Incredible change in a man!
No, don't misunderstand me, I have nothing against these traditional things but ASR did a volt-face on us overnite and its giving serious indigestion. Alright, so he is doing it for her, you say. Clearly, I am willing to buy that argument - for now. 
ASR - You look at me like that, babe, and I might just take you right here and now. I don't work out for nothing, And these abs? Washboards ready for a ride!
Khushi - Never knew you were so hot, Those biceps, the taut abs, *ahem*. *hiccup* Devi Mayya, he is making love to me again with those smoldering eyes.
Cow - Cool it kids. *Burp* Thanks for the lunch. *Burp** Mooo*

Khushi - I said FLOWERS!!
ASR - So? I got a truck-full of Cauli-FLOWERS!! Same difference. WT****, we will need the Pattals again. Just hang on to them for now, love. 

Buaji and Garima - What do we do with this thing called The ASR? Tea? Coffee? No? Khushi?

Shyam - Godammit! Phoren cars are complicated! I think I got the brake wires. We'll find out tomorrow. And if this plan fails too, I say CVs just send me on a long vacation to Timbuktu

Anjali - Like my new voice? Got it special ordered from Voice-Overs for the Weaklings Ltd. 

PRE CAP - Time for new Wardrobe ASR. Waiter? Really? I thought it was more of a Penguin! White shirts and black vests, a sure Fashion Faux Pas! Yeah. And where are the Gupta's. Tut tut, does ASR have to do EVERYTHING around here??