TRP Aunty's Letter To Lalit Mohan - Feb 10th, 2012

I am not doing hits/misses/thoughts version today. Just trying desperately to find humor in today's episode. Its unfair to judge a full soap on its day to day episode, but, if there ever was a Cliche Central, today was it! Here is a memo to Lalitji from TRP Aunty. Enjoy!

Dear Lalit Beta

Sub Khairiat? Beta, this is your TRP Aunty from Star Plus channel. Of course, sending you love and a gentle reminder that this loving aunty is central to your survival and existence in the entertainment industry. I know beta, sometimes I am not able to help you because I have to give my other nieces and nephews a chance to shine too, but I feel, off late, I have been very kind and generous to you.

I am writing this letter to you to talk about today's show and upcoming misunderstanding track. I am so excited and happy to note that you are taking the show in a direction that makes me, your TRP Aunty, very happy!!! My residence, The Cliche Central erupted in joy, when khushi kept making the same mistakes over and over and getting herself deeper and deeper in the doodoo of her own creation.

Beta, this is exactly what sorryface-martyrdom-seeking-sacrificial-lamb heroine should do. All my friends, you know the other TRP Aunties from the neighborhood had gathered at Cliche Central, over Chai and pakoras, and we were dancing "Dhink Chika" when ASR walked in right when the most damaging blow to khushi was delivered. Applause and kudos to you!!

My son, unlike you, other nieces and nephews do a lot to please me. They deliver my favorite episodes centering on dhoklas, theplas, daal, rasoi, kidnapping, illiterate heroine, oppressed ambitious heroine, hellish mother-in-law, elaborate plots against daugher-in-law, villains who do nothing better with their lives than raise hell others. For a while, I was not happy with you because you were the black sheep, you did not abide by these family rules.

Then you brought romance and Aunty could not believe her eyes. For the first time after my menopause, I actually felt stirrings of desire in me. I was overjoyed and going goo-goo-ga ga over this dude ASR. I was getting hot, wet and wild about him. Just as I was ready to bless you to go all the way beyond The Kiss, Uncleji returned home from his long Theerth Yathra (Pilgrimage). His wrinkled, saggy body and overgrown paunch brought me back to my reality and I thought, I can't let khushi have all the fun!

Thats why I had called you the other day and left a message that Beta, if you want me to be really happy, bring sadomasochism back because I can't handle hotness, it gives me serious hot-flashes. And today you brought a smile to my face. As my other menopausal friends and I watched, I felt this khushi needs to be taught a lesson for "phasaoing"/netting a rich, handsome dude like ASR. And my child, you dealt her the right blow. My cantankerous friends and I would like to see full use of glycerin next week, make her cry, my boy! If you need inspiration for your Crying Lead, please see this other character called Goopee BooHoo who has perfected the art of looking constipated even when making love. And Goopee, god bless that girl, is a sweetheart of my friends.

And beta, never give the heroine a voice. just dumb her down. The other day, getting inspired by Khushi's spunk, my own Bahu revolted against my strict warning not to make Jalebis. Now you know my son, TRP Jr. loves his jalebi making wife and it makes me so jealous. Inspired by Mamiji, I dumped a bowlful of salt into the Jalebi dough. Bwahahaha! Bahu was in tears all day and I knew I had to tell you pronto, not to make a strong, smart heroine, it ruins my peace of mind.

It would go without saying that all this fighting between ASR and khushi cannot and should not lead to more conversations, confessions and *gasp* make up sex! No son, that would be TRP hara kiri and totally suicidal. You never take such brazen chances and risk offending my hypocrisy, not to mention my vigilantism. Listen, son, I don't mind a drunk Chikni Chameli, with her almost non-existent clothing and a choli that threatens to spill its contents, dance among a bunch of ogling men. But make up sex between two love birds, HEAVENS! Don't give TRP Jr. and my Bahu any ideas!!!

Also, beta, let me advice this, a full clear-the-air conversation is not only NOT healthy but also downright intelligent. Intelligence ruins the story and gives me mild angina and arthritic cramps. You see, the way I establish an iron rule in the house is I never let my Bahu and Son have a full minute of conversation. I make every effort to interrupt and break their conversation. When they are in their bedroom, its hard to do that. Then I make excuses of bad back and leg pain to have Bahu come and do "Seva" for me. That prevents any and all conversation. Since Khushi does not have a MIL from hell like me, make Anjali the unwitting interrupt to ASR and Khushi's conversation.

Regarding Syam babua, what can I say. He is the apple of my eyes. A villain without a purpose. I think you read my last email to you about giving him some real balls. The scorpion was seriously attracted to Laxmi, the goat, and had lost its ability to perform. i am glad you empowered him with real balls *hic*. Altough, today, I half expected Khushi to kick him in his new-fangled balls, but thankfully, she did no such thing because you listened to me and dumbed her down.

All in all, Beta, you are doing great! Today's episode marks a good beginning to pleasing my friends and me, your TRP Aunties. Remember, half spoken words, rumors, half-baked conversations and non-existent intelligence, this combination make me very happy.

God bless you my child. I am sending you a check of $1 as a gift. And keep up the good work, I promise to send you rankings and higher scores via DHL or speedpost to help you along.

With hugs and misunderstandings
TRP Aunty