ASR's Business Partner Commits Suicide

ASR's london business partner killed himself in his hotel room in New Delhi, a suicide note was found next to his body. Here are the contents of that note.
To whom it may concern
I am taking my life out of my own volition and do not hold anyone responsible for my death. Well, perhaps with the exception of one person, but I am not sure this accusation will fly.
The economic downturn of 2008/2009 put a serious dent in my clothing business in London.  I was excited at the prospect of finding a business partner in Mr. ASR to grow my business. However, around February 2012, things started going downright crazy. That's when I decided to make that trip to New Delhi and meet Mr. ASR in person. I gathered the best of my team and although, the air fare was a stretch on my already slim budget, I was happy making this trip to seal the deal with ASR.
We landed in Delhi in the early hours of the day. I didn't want to waste any time and headed straight to AR office. We were greeted by a smartly dressed secretary. The office complex seemed impressive and I was happy to see a well appointed and well endowed secretary. Cutie-patootie! Perhaps, when the deal was all said and done, I could shag her before I left for London. That would be a nice cherry on the pie.
The cutie-patootie led us in. I stepped into a puddle of water and wondered if all buildings in India leaked. What greeted me next cannot be described in words. I see a completely drenched man standing with a blaring red bucket in his hand. Beside him stood a slim and sexy beauty in a clingy but a bit outdated saree holding a matching red pitcher. She looked cute. Perhaps, I will try my luck at shagging her too before I leave. Then the cutie-patootie introduced the man with the bucket as The Mr. ASR.  I was flabbergasted
A man engaged in a public brawl with his wife. Buckets and Pitchers. I was transported to my chawl days in Mumbai when my mom and neighborhood aunties fought over queues to the single water pipe in the neighborhood, throwing buckets, brooms, water and chappals at each other. A memory I thought I had quelled a long ago.
Later, Mr. ASR did not show up for the meeting. Many more days passed and I waited patiently for his office to call and confirm a meeting with him. His affable but ineffective brother attended to our needs but he seemed unsure and indecisive without his brother. Dejected, I went back to my hotel and decided to dine in their fine restaurant. The table next me to me was making such a ruckus that I complained to the manager.
Before I knew, some celebrity called Saif Ali Khan was at my throat. Cutie-Patootie girlfriend called Kareena was goading him to beat the shit out of me. What the hell! I was man-handled and brushed up by these celebrities who were offended that I had complained about their noise level to the manager. This is what I needed at the end of a long, disappointing stay. Now they've filed an FIR against me.
Great, I didn't get the deal, I didn't get to shag the cutie-patootie and I got roughed up by a celebrity and made headline news, all in the span of a week. Meanwhile, my business flounders and it's unclear when Mr. ASR will be back to his normal self.

----------- Thanks to Gitika from India Forums for the following addition ---------------
After being distraught by the no show of Mr.Raizada i decided to visit his house as a last resort.I couldn't behold my wits, because a lady, perhaps a distant cousin of Mr. Bappi Lahri, greeted me with a hello hi and went on to shun me by adding a bye bye to it.

As she spoke there were crows hovering above my head.I thought i was at the wrong house, i turned around only to be stopped dead in my tracks by a goat.It chased me inside to the living room.

I ran in and bumped into this stunning lady whose see through saree gave me the shag without any effort of my own.She smiled and a thousand fuses went off in my head. I was in love, this was it.To my surprise she had tears in her eyes cos i accidently dropped her silver plate with flowers,red powder and a little candle (maybe a lamp).

Suddenly a man came running behind her, hugged her and said are you ok rani sahiba.

I couldn't take this any more and ran back to my hotel room, only to be heartbroken 

The journey to the hotel was one of the longest trips i had to make BECAUSE

the living room scene kept flashing through my mind, rearing its ugly head, and reminding me of the running saga of the hurtful past few days , my soul mate the teary eyed lady and my revenge on the guy that hugged her.

I DECIDED TO END MY LIFE AT THIS POINT.

--------- end Gitika addition --------------------------------------------

I have a few confessions before I die
To Mr. Raizada - You got a f****ng beautiful wife, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM DUDE? Go shag her and release that built up tension!!!
To my wife - You really are an ugly shrew. And about that French maid? It is true. And don't think I didn't know about you and the driver.
To my son - You have no inheritance. If money becomes tight, sell your Porsche and designer shoes to feed yourself.
To my daughter - I am sorry dear you will have to ruin your manicure and miss your hairdresser appointments, learn to earn an honest penny
To my secretary - Honey, you were the best of them all. Thanks for all the good times.