Police
arrested famous bank-robber and murderer, Baday ManSingh Jeerakum on charges of attacking Arnav Singh Raizada.
Baday had tried to beat up ASR, as the latter was leaving from work.
Fortunately, security guards caught hold of Baday in time and turned him over to
the police. Police handled him well for three days, at which point Baday
decided to sign his confession. Here is his confession.
I have
hold nothing personal against ASR but the dude is giving me a rotten complex. You see, my girlfriend's gotten into her thick
skull that I got be her Arnav. She has gone completely bonkers and is driving
me crazy with constant comparisons with ASR. ASR did this, ASR did that, he
lifted her, he carried her, he threw her by the pool, he almost kissed her, he
did something called Rabba-Ve, I have no freaking idea what this Rabba-Ve means! I
know how to Rob-away banks. What is Rabba-Ve?
Its been going
on for 6 months, this constant harp, on and on and on. The other
day I return home from the bank robbery of my lifetime, loaded with goodies, and guess what, my girlfriend
has the whole effing kitchen doused in oil fumes and sticky sugar syrup,
making Jalebis like there is no tomorrow. I casually gobble down a few and ask her what the
occasion is. Before I know, a rolling pin lands squarely on my head and I pass
out for a good two hours. When I come into myself, with a nice bump to boot, I ask
her again and she is screaming like a hysterial maniac
She - You
fool, don't you see! I am upset and when I am upset I make jalebis. ASR knows
when his girlfriend is upset, but of course that's ASR and you are a nitwit
with peanut sized brain and you can't figure out I am upset!
I think, Holy
crap, when did this happen? I mean this girl has been upset umpteen times before
and usually a good romp between the sheets took care of it, but this was new to me!
Jalebis? Who the eff figured jalebis meant your girlfriend's got a case
of PMS and you better hold a large Thaali over your head in self-defense?
To
console her, I ask her to come to our bedroom promising her a surprise gift
from my latest raid. She is not impressed with the $10000 diamond and sapphire
necklace I offer. I can't believe this!
She - Well
its nice and all, but those cheap bangles from a street-side vendor would have been much better
because that's what ASR gifted khushi.
Whoa! So you
gut a man's pride and compare his "gift" to another man's "gift"? I say its
unfair. I get pretty darn mad at her and tell her that I will be sleeping on the
living room couch. She is now more furious at me, and gives me this incredulous
look.
She - Aren't
you going to send me to the poolside?
I am now
seriously confused and I ask her why should I? She hollers and wails at the top
of her lungs, and stomps out to the pool to sleep there. I am scratching my
head and thinking who sleeps by the pool? The water smells bad and the raccoons
aren't kind to you at night, my word!!
A few days
later things get worse. We were getting dressed for a party and she wears a
nice saree. Now I am in full attention and want her. But she is acting
all coy and school-girlish and suddenly, her bosom starts heaving furiously, her
lips part and her eyes glaze over, and I figure she is having a heart attack.
Me - Baby! Baby!
Are you ok? Should I call the doctor?
She stops
heaving and gives me a disgusted look
She - That's
called Dhak Dhak you bozo. Its the ASR-effect. Don't you know?
Me - Honey,
but this does not seem normal. Are you sure you are ok?
She gives me
once over and snaps at me
She - Why aren't
you wearing those silver metallic greys and vest I bought you.
Me, (a bit
surprised at the change of conversation) - Oh, that is a bit tight around my
waist. (I laugh nervously and add) I gotta start working out.
She snaps
again - Of course you do, just look at you. Your waist is 5 inches too big and
your stubble is pathetic, they look like a sparse smattering of cacti in the
Arizonan desert.
Me - Do you
want me to get rid of it?
She - No, don't bother, it will take you forever to find a single good stubble on your chin
She sounds exasperated and exhales out in resignation - And God knows why I bought you the entire pack of hair gels.
I feel guilty and run my hands over my quickly balding George Castanza head.
She seems calmers and pouts - You will never look like ASR's dark thick stubbly whiskers and hair full of gel.
I
feel more guilty and quickly think of making that hair transplant appointment with Dr. Baldwins office because I liked their tag line -
come today and win over baldness with Dr. Baldwin! Then she
giggles and twirls and does a Elaine in Seinfeld dance. I am starting to worry
about her.
That is not
the end. A few days later, I get back home after a double murder and am washing
my hands when my phone rings. I see my girlfriend's number blink and I answer.
She is screaming on top of her voice - Aren't you going to come and find me?
Me - Really?
When did I lose you baby?
She is now
beyond hysterical.
She - You
SOB! Don't you miss me at home? I've been sitting here for freaking 5 hours on the biting cold hard floor of this Mandir, waiting for you to come and find me and you frigging loser!
You didn't even miss me?
Me - Honey, honey,
wait, I had work to do and I will come and get you, which Mandir?
Wrong
question. She is now full throttle screaming into my ears and I have to hold
the phone a good 12 inches away.
She - Did you
JUST ASK ME WHICH MANDIR, WHICH MANDIR?? YOU GO FIGURE OUT WHICH MANDIR, ASR
DID!! YOU LOSER!!
Now, I know
my baby loved to do her puja's but I had freaking no idea which mandir she
visited. A few phone calls to her friends later, I land at the temple. I ask
her to come along and she starts frantically pulling my shirt collar and jacket lapel.
She - Aren't
ya gonna carry me to the car?
She
is a 200
lbs babe because I like my women big, and there are at least 100 steps
down to the parking lot, and I ain't exactly bulging with muscles. I
hesitate.
She - Oh I
see, i forgot (snickers) you have a soft underbelly and jiggle where muscles should be. Have you
even seen ASR's muscles?
I
look at
her goo-goo eyed face and the instant realization hits me. I gotta take
care of
this soon. ASR has effectively destroyed my love life. If this man does
not effing stop whatever the heck that he does to women's brains and
bodies every night at 8pm for a full half hour, it will destroy manhood
as we know it. It was self preservation. A man's gotta do what a man's
gotta do.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
ASR's Business Partner Commits Suicide
ASR's
london business partner killed himself in his hotel room in New Delhi, a
suicide note was found next to his body. Here are the contents of that
note.
To whom it may concern
I am taking my life out of my own volition and do not hold anyone responsible for my death. Well, perhaps with the exception of one person, but I am not sure this accusation will fly.
The economic downturn of 2008/2009 put a serious dent in my clothing business in London. I was excited at the prospect of finding a business partner in Mr. ASR to grow my business. However, around February 2012, things started going downright crazy. That's when I decided to make that trip to New Delhi and meet Mr. ASR in person. I gathered the best of my team and although, the air fare was a stretch on my already slim budget, I was happy making this trip to seal the deal with ASR.
We landed in Delhi in the early hours of the day. I didn't want to waste any time and headed straight to AR office. We were greeted by a smartly dressed secretary. The office complex seemed impressive and I was happy to see a well appointed and well endowed secretary. Cutie-patootie! Perhaps, when the deal was all said and done, I could shag her before I left for London. That would be a nice cherry on the pie.
The cutie-patootie led us in. I stepped into a puddle of water and wondered if all buildings in India leaked. What greeted me next cannot be described in words. I see a completely drenched man standing with a blaring red bucket in his hand. Beside him stood a slim and sexy beauty in a clingy but a bit outdated saree holding a matching red pitcher. She looked cute. Perhaps, I will try my luck at shagging her too before I leave. Then the cutie-patootie introduced the man with the bucket as The Mr. ASR. I was flabbergasted
A man engaged in a public brawl with his wife. Buckets and Pitchers. I was transported to my chawl days in Mumbai when my mom and neighborhood aunties fought over queues to the single water pipe in the neighborhood, throwing buckets, brooms, water and chappals at each other. A memory I thought I had quelled a long ago.
Later, Mr. ASR did not show up for the meeting. Many more days passed and I waited patiently for his office to call and confirm a meeting with him. His affable but ineffective brother attended to our needs but he seemed unsure and indecisive without his brother. Dejected, I went back to my hotel and decided to dine in their fine restaurant. The table next me to me was making such a ruckus that I complained to the manager.
Before I knew, some celebrity called Saif Ali Khan was at my throat. Cutie-Patootie girlfriend called Kareena was goading him to beat the shit out of me. What the hell! I was man-handled and brushed up by these celebrities who were offended that I had complained about their noise level to the manager. This is what I needed at the end of a long, disappointing stay. Now they've filed an FIR against me.
Great, I didn't get the deal, I didn't get to shag the cutie-patootie and I got roughed up by a celebrity and made headline news, all in the span of a week. Meanwhile, my business flounders and it's unclear when Mr. ASR will be back to his normal self.
end Gitika addition --------------------------------------------
I have a few confessions before I die
To Mr. Raizada - You got a f****ng beautiful wife, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM DUDE? Go shag her and release that built up tension!!!
To my wife - You really are an ugly shrew. And about that French maid? It is true. And don't think I didn't know about you and the driver.
To my son - You have no inheritance. If money becomes tight, sell your Porsche and designer shoes to feed yourself.
To my daughter - I am sorry dear you will have to ruin your manicure and miss your hairdresser appointments, learn to earn an honest penny
To my secretary - Honey, you were the best of them all. Thanks for all the good times.
To whom it may concern
I am taking my life out of my own volition and do not hold anyone responsible for my death. Well, perhaps with the exception of one person, but I am not sure this accusation will fly.
The economic downturn of 2008/2009 put a serious dent in my clothing business in London. I was excited at the prospect of finding a business partner in Mr. ASR to grow my business. However, around February 2012, things started going downright crazy. That's when I decided to make that trip to New Delhi and meet Mr. ASR in person. I gathered the best of my team and although, the air fare was a stretch on my already slim budget, I was happy making this trip to seal the deal with ASR.
We landed in Delhi in the early hours of the day. I didn't want to waste any time and headed straight to AR office. We were greeted by a smartly dressed secretary. The office complex seemed impressive and I was happy to see a well appointed and well endowed secretary. Cutie-patootie! Perhaps, when the deal was all said and done, I could shag her before I left for London. That would be a nice cherry on the pie.
The cutie-patootie led us in. I stepped into a puddle of water and wondered if all buildings in India leaked. What greeted me next cannot be described in words. I see a completely drenched man standing with a blaring red bucket in his hand. Beside him stood a slim and sexy beauty in a clingy but a bit outdated saree holding a matching red pitcher. She looked cute. Perhaps, I will try my luck at shagging her too before I leave. Then the cutie-patootie introduced the man with the bucket as The Mr. ASR. I was flabbergasted
A man engaged in a public brawl with his wife. Buckets and Pitchers. I was transported to my chawl days in Mumbai when my mom and neighborhood aunties fought over queues to the single water pipe in the neighborhood, throwing buckets, brooms, water and chappals at each other. A memory I thought I had quelled a long ago.
Later, Mr. ASR did not show up for the meeting. Many more days passed and I waited patiently for his office to call and confirm a meeting with him. His affable but ineffective brother attended to our needs but he seemed unsure and indecisive without his brother. Dejected, I went back to my hotel and decided to dine in their fine restaurant. The table next me to me was making such a ruckus that I complained to the manager.
Before I knew, some celebrity called Saif Ali Khan was at my throat. Cutie-Patootie girlfriend called Kareena was goading him to beat the shit out of me. What the hell! I was man-handled and brushed up by these celebrities who were offended that I had complained about their noise level to the manager. This is what I needed at the end of a long, disappointing stay. Now they've filed an FIR against me.
Great, I didn't get the deal, I didn't get to shag the cutie-patootie and I got roughed up by a celebrity and made headline news, all in the span of a week. Meanwhile, my business flounders and it's unclear when Mr. ASR will be back to his normal self.
----------- Thanks to Gitika from India Forums for the following addition ---------------
After being distraught by the no show of Mr.Raizada i decided to visit his house as a last resort.I couldn't behold my wits, because a lady, perhaps a distant cousin of Mr. Bappi Lahri, greeted me with a hello hi and went on to shun me by adding a bye bye to it.
Thanks to Gitika from India Forums for the following addition ---------------After being distraught by the no show of Mr.Raizada i decided to visit his house as a last resort.I couldn't behold my wits, because a lady, perhaps a distant cousin of Mr. Bappi Lahri, greeted me with a hello hi and went on to shun me by adding a bye bye to it.
As
she spoke there were crows hovering above my head.I thought i was at
the wrong house, i turned around only to be stopped dead in my tracks by
a goat.It chased me inside to the living room.
I
ran in and bumped into this stunning lady whose see through saree gave
me the shag without any effort of my own.She smiled and a thousand fuses
went off in my head. I was in love, this was it.To
my surprise she had tears in her eyes cos i accidently dropped her
silver plate with flowers,red powder and a little candle (maybe a lamp).
Suddenly a man came running behind her, hugged her and said are you ok rani sahiba.
I couldn't take this any more and ran back to my hotel room, only to be heartbroken
The journey to the hotel was one of the longest trips i had to make BECAUSE
the living room scene
kept flashing through my mind, rearing its ugly head, and reminding me
of the running saga of the hurtful past few days , my soul mate the
teary eyed lady and my revenge on the guy that hugged her.
I DECIDED TO END MY LIFE AT THIS POINT.
--------- end Gitika addition --------------------------------------------I have a few confessions before I die
To Mr. Raizada - You got a f****ng beautiful wife, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM DUDE? Go shag her and release that built up tension!!!
To my wife - You really are an ugly shrew. And about that French maid? It is true. And don't think I didn't know about you and the driver.
To my son - You have no inheritance. If money becomes tight, sell your Porsche and designer shoes to feed yourself.
To my daughter - I am sorry dear you will have to ruin your manicure and miss your hairdresser appointments, learn to earn an honest penny
To my secretary - Honey, you were the best of them all. Thanks for all the good times.
Khushi's REVENGE - ASR's seduction Day Three
Arnav peeled his eyes open, scared out of his mind that he would
be greeted by the same sight as yesterday's half undressed khushi,
tantalizing him with her considerably enviable assets. He was relieved to find
the room empty.
He reached for a piece of folded note on his night stand. He read the words he had written down the night before, in order to remind him of the singular purpose of this entire existence. The note had the following words scribbled in it
To Do List
Remember Terrace Scene
Remember running saga of hurtful past
Duty to Sister
Revenge on BIL
He breathed with relief as the terrace scene flashed through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL
He folded the note back and laid it carefully on the nightstand. He felt happy at his organizational skills, since he felt a need to be methodical, diligent and careful about everything he did. This note was his way of staying focused on his purpose.
Khushi was mad. She was fuming at the thought of Arnav manipulating her back into RM. She was frustrated, angry, tired and upset with her Jiju. Would he really divorce her jiji if Arnav so much as hinted at it? She was mad at Jiju and wondered if his spine that grew against his mother yesterday had quickly retreated back into its shell, never to be seen again!
<Dream Sequence>
Jiju really had an unhealthy obsession and subservience for ASR, she concluded. A scene flashed through her mind, with Arnav holding Akash in his lap, both peering into each other's eyes, Akash in admiration and ASR with satisfaction, and Rabba Ve playing in the background. Khushi shuddered and said a silent prayer to devi maiyya for such sinful thoughts.
<End of Dream Sequence>
He could not believe his dumb luck yesterday. Every card he played fell in place and khushi had walked straight into his trap. What if buaji had opened the package instead of khushi, what if khushi had said the D-word to Akash, what if Akash had not left his phone on the restaurant table, what if khushi had pounced on Akash before he showed up? Bwahahaha. He must write a note of thanks to the CVs for lining up all his lucky stars because they made his genius plan not to mention an exceedingly bright plot simply work. ASR felt smug that as long as CVs were drunk on their bhangs and servicing the SP honchos on all fours, all his plans will succeed. To top it all, he would be eulogized by India Forums for his high IQ ideas, things couldn't get any better. He woke up completely reassured.
He made a beeline to the bathroom. The bathroom door was slightly ajar with steam billowing out of the crack in the door. He tiptoed inside and was greeted by a blast of steam escaping the bathroom. As the mist settled, he was completely shocked by the sight in front of him.
Arnav <groans> - Not again.
He frantically searched for the reminder note in his pocket, forgetting that he had put it in the nightstand. Then his mind went blank. There, in the backdrop of black slate tiles and aquamarine marble stood a completely naked khushi, humming a song and enjoying her warm shower. Her skin was perfectly flawless, and in stark contrast against the dark interiors of his bathroom. The skylight shone the morning rays of sun, hitting her mid-section, and bringing attention to those creamy globes. Her hair cascaded down her back, following the command of the stream of water from the overhead rain-shower.
Arnav gulped hard and felt the familiar "rising" tension. He was transfixed, yet too scared to continue looking knowing full well the effect it was having on him.
Arnav <thinks> Yeh ladki mujhe pagal karke chodaygi
Khushi continued her shower. Then just as suddenly, she turned her head and looked him straight in the eye. He was caught off guard and looked guilty at his uninvited intrusion into her private morning hour. They both stared at each other for a brief moment. Then she broke into a smile
Khushi ' Aap uthh gaye? (you are up?)
Arnav groans inwardly and thinks ' yes, in more ways than one!
Before Arnav realizes what was happening to him, he found himself standing next to khushi in the shower stall. The spray hit his T-shirt and wet his PJs while he stood in there, gaping at her, completely unaware of his state. She retreated to the far corner of the stall, unsure of his next move but her lips opened slightly in anticipation. Then she flicked her hair, in a very filmy Sridevi style, wet strands lashing his cheek. And then it happened.
The terrace scene flashed through his'..STOP STOP, NOT NOW'.. mind, once more rearing its'OH GOOD LORD, MAKE IT GO AWAY'.. ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga'.ARGH! JUST FORGET IT! JUST FORGET IT FOR GOD'S SAKE'..of hurtful past, his solemn duty to'.FOR ONCE, JUST THIS ONCE, MAKE IT GO AWAY'.. his sister and his revenge on his BIL
Arnav felt deflated. The rising tension fell under the oppressive pressures he built for himself. Khushi who stood there expecting his next move noticed the change and realized it was time for her next move. She leaned forward and ran her fingers under his wet t-shirt, caressing upwards, crunching his t-shirt up and feeling his strong pecks. Arnav trembled at her touch and she met his caramel orbs with her flirty hazel eyes, inviting him, heck, teasing him to make his next move. She lowered her mouth and kissed him on his chest.
Then she exited the shower stall.
Arnav couldn't believe it. He stood there until several minutes passed. He heard her leave the room.
Arnav <thinks> - Ohhh KKGSR, you have no idea what you just did. Just you come back to the room and I will show you your place.
Arnav frantically searched for his reminder note in the nightstand. Relieved to find it, he opened it to re-read the contents. But to his surprise, the note was replaced by another hand written note with a lipstick kiss on the side, and this one said
I am ready, if you are.
He was stunned.
Downstairs Anjali met khushi by the dining table.
Anjali ' What's taking Chote so long? Doesn't he want breakfast?
Khushi ' Anjali ji, Chote is not feeling well and he will remain in his room for the rest of day. I will take his food upstairs
Anjali ' That's a good idea Khushiji, I am so glad you are here to take care of him
Khushi ' Anajli ji, it's my duty and pleasure
And Khushi was amazed at how easily her duty would culminate in pleasure for her!
He reached for a piece of folded note on his night stand. He read the words he had written down the night before, in order to remind him of the singular purpose of this entire existence. The note had the following words scribbled in it
To Do List
Remember Terrace Scene
Remember running saga of hurtful past
Duty to Sister
Revenge on BIL
He breathed with relief as the terrace scene flashed through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL
He folded the note back and laid it carefully on the nightstand. He felt happy at his organizational skills, since he felt a need to be methodical, diligent and careful about everything he did. This note was his way of staying focused on his purpose.
Khushi was mad. She was fuming at the thought of Arnav manipulating her back into RM. She was frustrated, angry, tired and upset with her Jiju. Would he really divorce her jiji if Arnav so much as hinted at it? She was mad at Jiju and wondered if his spine that grew against his mother yesterday had quickly retreated back into its shell, never to be seen again!
<Dream Sequence>
Jiju really had an unhealthy obsession and subservience for ASR, she concluded. A scene flashed through her mind, with Arnav holding Akash in his lap, both peering into each other's eyes, Akash in admiration and ASR with satisfaction, and Rabba Ve playing in the background. Khushi shuddered and said a silent prayer to devi maiyya for such sinful thoughts.
<End of Dream Sequence>
He could not believe his dumb luck yesterday. Every card he played fell in place and khushi had walked straight into his trap. What if buaji had opened the package instead of khushi, what if khushi had said the D-word to Akash, what if Akash had not left his phone on the restaurant table, what if khushi had pounced on Akash before he showed up? Bwahahaha. He must write a note of thanks to the CVs for lining up all his lucky stars because they made his genius plan not to mention an exceedingly bright plot simply work. ASR felt smug that as long as CVs were drunk on their bhangs and servicing the SP honchos on all fours, all his plans will succeed. To top it all, he would be eulogized by India Forums for his high IQ ideas, things couldn't get any better. He woke up completely reassured.
He made a beeline to the bathroom. The bathroom door was slightly ajar with steam billowing out of the crack in the door. He tiptoed inside and was greeted by a blast of steam escaping the bathroom. As the mist settled, he was completely shocked by the sight in front of him.
Arnav <groans> - Not again.
He frantically searched for the reminder note in his pocket, forgetting that he had put it in the nightstand. Then his mind went blank. There, in the backdrop of black slate tiles and aquamarine marble stood a completely naked khushi, humming a song and enjoying her warm shower. Her skin was perfectly flawless, and in stark contrast against the dark interiors of his bathroom. The skylight shone the morning rays of sun, hitting her mid-section, and bringing attention to those creamy globes. Her hair cascaded down her back, following the command of the stream of water from the overhead rain-shower.
Arnav gulped hard and felt the familiar "rising" tension. He was transfixed, yet too scared to continue looking knowing full well the effect it was having on him.
Arnav <thinks> Yeh ladki mujhe pagal karke chodaygi
Khushi continued her shower. Then just as suddenly, she turned her head and looked him straight in the eye. He was caught off guard and looked guilty at his uninvited intrusion into her private morning hour. They both stared at each other for a brief moment. Then she broke into a smile
Khushi ' Aap uthh gaye? (you are up?)
Arnav groans inwardly and thinks ' yes, in more ways than one!
Before Arnav realizes what was happening to him, he found himself standing next to khushi in the shower stall. The spray hit his T-shirt and wet his PJs while he stood in there, gaping at her, completely unaware of his state. She retreated to the far corner of the stall, unsure of his next move but her lips opened slightly in anticipation. Then she flicked her hair, in a very filmy Sridevi style, wet strands lashing his cheek. And then it happened.
The terrace scene flashed through his'..STOP STOP, NOT NOW'.. mind, once more rearing its'OH GOOD LORD, MAKE IT GO AWAY'.. ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga'.ARGH! JUST FORGET IT! JUST FORGET IT FOR GOD'S SAKE'..of hurtful past, his solemn duty to'.FOR ONCE, JUST THIS ONCE, MAKE IT GO AWAY'.. his sister and his revenge on his BIL
Arnav felt deflated. The rising tension fell under the oppressive pressures he built for himself. Khushi who stood there expecting his next move noticed the change and realized it was time for her next move. She leaned forward and ran her fingers under his wet t-shirt, caressing upwards, crunching his t-shirt up and feeling his strong pecks. Arnav trembled at her touch and she met his caramel orbs with her flirty hazel eyes, inviting him, heck, teasing him to make his next move. She lowered her mouth and kissed him on his chest.
Then she exited the shower stall.
Arnav couldn't believe it. He stood there until several minutes passed. He heard her leave the room.
Arnav <thinks> - Ohhh KKGSR, you have no idea what you just did. Just you come back to the room and I will show you your place.
Arnav frantically searched for his reminder note in the nightstand. Relieved to find it, he opened it to re-read the contents. But to his surprise, the note was replaced by another hand written note with a lipstick kiss on the side, and this one said
I am ready, if you are.
He was stunned.
Downstairs Anjali met khushi by the dining table.
Anjali ' What's taking Chote so long? Doesn't he want breakfast?
Khushi ' Anjali ji, Chote is not feeling well and he will remain in his room for the rest of day. I will take his food upstairs
Anjali ' That's a good idea Khushiji, I am so glad you are here to take care of him
Khushi ' Anajli ji, it's my duty and pleasure
And Khushi was amazed at how easily her duty would culminate in pleasure for her!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Khushi's Revenge - ASR's Seduction Day Two
A family crisis has been declared.
Khushi watches in horror
as the entire RM gang peers over the burnt Kheer. Mamiji bellows her caw caw
rants and complaints of a conspiracy theory giving Mel Gibson a run for
his money. What? Is that a teenie-weenie itsy-bitsy backbone growing on Jeeju Akash?
Khushi wishes if Jeeju could just work on his other bone a bit more, things would
be great for Payal Jeejee.
Khushi instantly recognizes that ASR has lost some ground
and his threats don't carry the same zinger they did before. She decides to
mobilize her plan for the day.
Khushi - I should make him miss me. I will go home on some
pretext. It might not end up well, but who cares. So he will think I went with
Shyamji, BFD. Let him stew. He cannot convict me for the same crime twice.
Khushi wakes up much before the crack of dawn and notices
ruefully at her handsome husband who is sleeping like a baby on his resplendent
bed, while she breaks her back by the poolside. She rues that his muscled arm,
while quite sexy, is completely wasted and unused so far. He looks like a greek
god in his Green Nike shirt.
SJ notes with some satisfaction that someone at the PH
finally heard her plea to give ASR some normal night clothes. SJ also notes
with pain that she has a muscled mass of testosterone equally as impressive as ASR,
walking and breathing in her very own house, looking equally handsome in his stubbles,
white Adidas-Tee and black track pants, and guess what, he lets SJ sleep in the
bed and actually worships the ground she walks. So whatever fantasy SJ was
building with ASR, sorry to say, is cracking and crumbling fast. If nothing
changes, SJ might just go back to reality.
Khushi leaves RM and lands up at GH. Gupta
women don't know
what to do with her, so they serve her tea and samosa. Now, SJ has no
idea how
she will be brought back to RM because half of India Forums has fainted
watching the bare display of muscle and T-shirt on ASR and the other
half is
duking out predictions for tomorrow, working feverishly to find the
Zabardast Twist. Meahwhile CVs are raiding the forum for some bright and
fresh ideas. Sadly for them, half of bright and exciting FFs have
already left India-Forums to find greener pastures of the Blogosphere.
CVs, get yourself familiarized with our lovely FF blogs and stop
stalling this story, please!!!
SJ
must add, ASR's butt got full attention today,
thanks to the DOP who knows what to do in order to deflect viewer
attention while the CVs frantically try to cobble together a decent
story with a TWIST!!! India Forum's Association for Gutter Minds is in
full action and someone from Partner-Give me companionship but no s*x is
extolling the virtues of Goopee Boohoo, who is getting more attention
that this post of SJ, making SJ very angry. Can you just report that
topic and come back to putting your real comments here????
So this part of the story will be filled
out once we get to see tomorrow's episode. Suffice it to say, khushi will be
back at RM with a vengeance.
Lets pick up from the next day'
As ASR cracks his eye open and he is met with a sight that he
didn't expect to see in a million years. He notices Khushi standing by the mirror
wearing nothing more than a hip hugging petticoat and a wet-in-parts choli,
trying to drape herself in a saree. Her hair still wet, is tied in a rough knot
on top of her head, wet strands caressing her neck and letting few droplets slide
down the curve of her neck. He has an obstructed view of her creamy back, her
well-rounded bottom and her lovely shoulder blades that are barely covered by
the excuse of a choli.
ASR <thinks> ' What the! Arrrghhh! This is great! This is just
f***ing great!! How do I get out of the bed now! Shit, she is a minx of the
worst kind.
Just then Khushi turns around giving him a full frontal view
of her flat abs and round pert chest. ASR feels a cruel joke being played on
him as he watches his pretend-wife pin her saree, completely unaware of the
riot she was causing under his blanket. He shut his eyes, with a little crack left
open to watch her but not let her know that he was more than awake!
Khushi ' Array! You are awake! Shall I pour you your tea?
Please get up and sit here on your favorite green European-Style recliner that
we will put to good use someday, and I will pour you some tea.
ASR <shit> ' N..n..no, I'I am ok, I will help myself.
Khushi - Please aaiye na! We will drink tea together.
ASR is about to lash it out when he notices the old-hag
peering from her balcony with binoculars. Oh for some privacy!!
Khushi <whispers> ' Mamiji...
ASR nods and to his horror he watches her lean over and give
him a peck on his nose, her face warm, a few wet strands leave a wet trail on
his muscled biceps and a bit of wetness on his nose.
Khushi ' chaliye jaldi
se uthiye. Please get up soon.
ASR ' N..n..no, I am ok, I will help myself
Khushi sighs and decides to go ahead with rest of her
morning dressing routine.
Khushi <thinking> ' Is he watching me, yes, yes, he is
watching me!! hey devi maiyya, thank you
thank you, he is watching me. Lets see how he deals with this every morning.
Khushi softly hums a love-song as she dries her
hair, does
her shringar and saunters out the room with a coquettish sway to her
hips, while he watches this entire routine, stock still and desperate to
hide the "rising" tension undercover.
ASR watches her leave the room and thinks, is this cliched
or what? And yet, it's working on me. Gosh! Am I so vulnerable? I better take care of this or I would be a
walking disaster waiting to happen all day.
He throws his cover aside, jumps out of the bed, quickly shuts his bedroom door and
gets busy with some "Swayam Rakhrakhav"/"Self-help Maintenance" program. When
he comes back to his senses, he feels more under control and in "grip" with his
situation.
But
the terrace scene flashes through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head,
and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his
sister and his revenge on his BIL.
ASR
feels guilty that the terrace scene only flashed once through his mind this
morning. What was happening to him? He needs to remember it more frequently. He
promised himself to do a better job of replaying his running saga of hurtful
past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL in a constant
loop.
As Khushi walks out of the room, she hears the door slam shut behind her. She smiles with satisfaction
Khushi ' Theer nishanay pe lag gaya! The bullet found its
mark!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Khushi's REVENGE - Seduction of ASR begins here
(Thanks to Telefan for inspiration - this is the PG rated version
Edit - changed the title a bit to stay in tune with forum temperature, which is HOT due to latest spoilers!!)
Khushi - We will do the Happily Married couple act. You got it, Mr Raizada.
Out in the RM hallways
Khushi ' Arnav ji, wait!
Arnav stops mid-track on his way to the office. He turns around to look at her, trepidation and curiosity written all over his face. He notices Mami sitting in the living room, munching on a bowful of nuts, cashews, almonds and other dry fruits because she is keeping a Monday Fasting for the longevity and good health of her husband. If the excess calorie didn't kill her, she'd certainly kill Mamaji with her shenanigans, Arnav sneered.
The act must go on, he decides ruefully. Khushi comes skittering looking delicious in a red saree hanging dangerously low on her slim waist, with a bowl and spoon in her lissome hand. She halts a few inches from him, heaving bosoms and all that jazz, and says in a palpably loud voice, meant to be heard by anyone in the vicinity.
Khushi - Aap office ja rahe hain? (Are you going to the office?)
Arnav gets irritated at the obvious jab because she very well knows that's what he does every day at 8:30am.
But the terrace scene flashes through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
The act must go on.
He replies with barely concealed anger, yet smiling a fake smile, "Yes, dear, do you need anything?"
Khushi - Voh, I was thinking, if you could take me shopping in the evening. I really don't have any good change of clothes and...
Arnav - You can take the car, the driver will take you wherever you want.
Khushi - Nahi, voh, I wanted to go with you.
She flutters her eyelids in an obvious come-hither flirting. Arnav feels irritated beyond measure but notices mami watching them intently, her eyes bulging from their sockets, her mouth open with half bitten whitish mass of almonds waiting inside it for further action.
Arnav - Ok, be ready at 6:00
He turns to leave and khushi grabs his muscled forearms. Her coyness strikes a strong urge in him to grab her in his arms, bend her backwards and land a sensuous wet and full-mouthed kiss on her lips. Certainly, no one would object, least of all khushi and it will put up a good show for the old-hag.
But the terrace scene flashes through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
The thought of ravishing khushi crossed his mind many times and he felt it would sweeten the whole revenge thing even more, with a dash of spice as seasoning to his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
As soon as he thought of that, he felt a rude virtual slap on his face because India-Forums, which has a bunch of women accused of feminism and nari-mukti-andolan, like serialjunkie, would be idiotic enough to call his lovemaking a PIG. He shrugged that thought and turned to leave. Perhaps, if he had just bothered to ask serialjunkie whether lovemaking would be classified as a pig, then serialjunkie would have shook her head in a vehement NO and blessed Arnav with all her heart to go forward with his missionary err'.mission.
But the terrace scene flashes through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
Khushi - Boliya na Arnavji, You will accompany me right?
She said with all the sweetness of a new wife drawing her hapless new husband to her tempting web of nuptial bed. A few naked scenes and impossible kamasutra positions flash through Arnav's mind. But, once again, he thinks of India-Forums. He is accused of being a virgin by the forum, so he has to live up to those expectations as well. What do these women want? Arnav bristles at this thought - Do they want me to be a skillful lover who knows his moves or a bumbling school boy who is in such a hurry for his first time that he jumps the proverbial gun and misses the mark?
Arnav - Yes, I will be home to pick you up.
Khushi - ek minute Arnavji, I made sugar-free kheer for you, wont you taste it before you go? please taste this kheer na, meri jaan.
Arnav could not believe what he just heard. Meri Jaan! W*F! What was she trying to do? Seduce him right there on the front door of RM. Although he didn't mind doing the act right there, he did have that 9 am conference he must attend lest his business fail and god forbid, all his melodramatic female and insipid male relatives have to fend for themselves. Above all, his forum fans had already had a hissy fight online whether he is indeed a smart business man who is capable of smart decisions, so there were those wagging tongues who need to be shut. No, he could not do it with khushi, perhaps later tonite.
But the terrace scene flashes through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
Khushi leans up on her toes and kisses him smack on his lip, a light peck lewd enough for Raizada's and Star Plus's conservative sensibilities but really school-girlish compared to what Mallika Sherawat has been passing off as good whole-some family entertainment. She shoves a spoonful of Kheer into his mouth and quickly licks off a bit of drip on the corners of his mouth.
Khushi - Ab theek hai. (Thats better!)
His complete shock evident on his face, he sneaks a look to find the old-hag resume masticating but this time quite furiously, on the chow in her mouth. Arnav glares back at Khushi who is obviously enjoying his discomfiture and he sees playful mirth written all over her face. He melts for a second and feels a shot of jealousy of that errant lock of hair that tantalizingly caresses her right eye. Consumed by a strong desire to kiss her mouth, he leans forward and notices khushi close her eyes in anticipation.
But the terrace scene flashes through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
Arnav turns on his heels and dashes out of the door. A playful smile dances on khushi's face and she turns back to find mamiji who has fallen off the couch at the small PDA scene that just played out in front of her very own heavily-mascara-ed, excessively shadowed eyes. Khushi figures a passed-out mamiji is a good reprieve for her sister Payal. She skips back to the kitchen.
Khushi smiles to herself - Mr. Raizada, this was just Day One. If I don't break your resolve and your mighty Brahmacharya before the end of this month, I dare you to visit India Forums and find a bunch of irate, estrogen-ridden witches (like serialjunkie) who are ready to rip your clothes into shreds and do it without your consent. I'd be looking like an angel to you!
Edit - changed the title a bit to stay in tune with forum temperature, which is HOT due to latest spoilers!!
)Khushi - We will do the Happily Married couple act. You got it, Mr Raizada.
Out in the RM hallways
Khushi ' Arnav ji, wait!
Arnav stops mid-track on his way to the office. He turns around to look at her, trepidation and curiosity written all over his face. He notices Mami sitting in the living room, munching on a bowful of nuts, cashews, almonds and other dry fruits because she is keeping a Monday Fasting for the longevity and good health of her husband. If the excess calorie didn't kill her, she'd certainly kill Mamaji with her shenanigans, Arnav sneered.
The act must go on, he decides ruefully. Khushi comes skittering looking delicious in a red saree hanging dangerously low on her slim waist, with a bowl and spoon in her lissome hand. She halts a few inches from him, heaving bosoms and all that jazz, and says in a palpably loud voice, meant to be heard by anyone in the vicinity.
Khushi - Aap office ja rahe hain? (Are you going to the office?)
Arnav gets irritated at the obvious jab because she very well knows that's what he does every day at 8:30am.
But the terrace scene flashes through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
The act must go on.
He replies with barely concealed anger, yet smiling a fake smile, "Yes, dear, do you need anything?"
Khushi - Voh, I was thinking, if you could take me shopping in the evening. I really don't have any good change of clothes and...
Arnav - You can take the car, the driver will take you wherever you want.
Khushi - Nahi, voh, I wanted to go with you.
She flutters her eyelids in an obvious come-hither flirting. Arnav feels irritated beyond measure but notices mami watching them intently, her eyes bulging from their sockets, her mouth open with half bitten whitish mass of almonds waiting inside it for further action.
Arnav - Ok, be ready at 6:00
He turns to leave and khushi grabs his muscled forearms. Her coyness strikes a strong urge in him to grab her in his arms, bend her backwards and land a sensuous wet and full-mouthed kiss on her lips. Certainly, no one would object, least of all khushi and it will put up a good show for the old-hag.
But the terrace scene flashes through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
The thought of ravishing khushi crossed his mind many times and he felt it would sweeten the whole revenge thing even more, with a dash of spice as seasoning to his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
As soon as he thought of that, he felt a rude virtual slap on his face because India-Forums, which has a bunch of women accused of feminism and nari-mukti-andolan, like serialjunkie, would be idiotic enough to call his lovemaking a PIG. He shrugged that thought and turned to leave. Perhaps, if he had just bothered to ask serialjunkie whether lovemaking would be classified as a pig, then serialjunkie would have shook her head in a vehement NO and blessed Arnav with all her heart to go forward with his missionary err'.mission.
But the terrace scene flashes through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
Khushi - Boliya na Arnavji, You will accompany me right?
She said with all the sweetness of a new wife drawing her hapless new husband to her tempting web of nuptial bed. A few naked scenes and impossible kamasutra positions flash through Arnav's mind. But, once again, he thinks of India-Forums. He is accused of being a virgin by the forum, so he has to live up to those expectations as well. What do these women want? Arnav bristles at this thought - Do they want me to be a skillful lover who knows his moves or a bumbling school boy who is in such a hurry for his first time that he jumps the proverbial gun and misses the mark?
Arnav - Yes, I will be home to pick you up.
Khushi - ek minute Arnavji, I made sugar-free kheer for you, wont you taste it before you go? please taste this kheer na, meri jaan.
Arnav could not believe what he just heard. Meri Jaan! W*F! What was she trying to do? Seduce him right there on the front door of RM. Although he didn't mind doing the act right there, he did have that 9 am conference he must attend lest his business fail and god forbid, all his melodramatic female and insipid male relatives have to fend for themselves. Above all, his forum fans had already had a hissy fight online whether he is indeed a smart business man who is capable of smart decisions, so there were those wagging tongues who need to be shut. No, he could not do it with khushi, perhaps later tonite.
But the terrace scene flashes through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
Khushi leans up on her toes and kisses him smack on his lip, a light peck lewd enough for Raizada's and Star Plus's conservative sensibilities but really school-girlish compared to what Mallika Sherawat has been passing off as good whole-some family entertainment. She shoves a spoonful of Kheer into his mouth and quickly licks off a bit of drip on the corners of his mouth.
Khushi - Ab theek hai. (Thats better!)
His complete shock evident on his face, he sneaks a look to find the old-hag resume masticating but this time quite furiously, on the chow in her mouth. Arnav glares back at Khushi who is obviously enjoying his discomfiture and he sees playful mirth written all over her face. He melts for a second and feels a shot of jealousy of that errant lock of hair that tantalizingly caresses her right eye. Consumed by a strong desire to kiss her mouth, he leans forward and notices khushi close her eyes in anticipation.
But the terrace scene flashes through his mind, once more rearing its ugly head, and reminding him of his running saga of hurtful past, his solemn duty to his sister and his revenge on his BIL.
Arnav turns on his heels and dashes out of the door. A playful smile dances on khushi's face and she turns back to find mamiji who has fallen off the couch at the small PDA scene that just played out in front of her very own heavily-mascara-ed, excessively shadowed eyes. Khushi figures a passed-out mamiji is a good reprieve for her sister Payal. She skips back to the kitchen.
Khushi smiles to herself - Mr. Raizada, this was just Day One. If I don't break your resolve and your mighty Brahmacharya before the end of this month, I dare you to visit India Forums and find a bunch of irate, estrogen-ridden witches (like serialjunkie) who are ready to rip your clothes into shreds and do it without your consent. I'd be looking like an angel to you!
Mandir Scene causes Break-ups and Divorces
totally off-kilter and non-sequitur
After ASR gallantly recovered khushi from the mandir, and carried her off ensconced in his chest, held with his strong arms as if she were nothing but a mere rag doll, there was general discontentment among the women-folk at the mandir who witnessed the scene. Unknown to IPK viewers, the mandir scene continued long after ASR and khushi left. Here is what transpired after our love birds left.
--------------------------
TeenyBopperGirlfriend nudged her boyfriends ribs - OMG OMG OMG Did you just see that?
TeenyBopper BF - See what baby?
TBG - OMG! OMG! Did you see how he lifted her like a doll?
TBF - Have you seen those biceps?
TBG - (squeals and shrieks and jumps up an down) - Like its so hot, can you like do it too?
TBF - Honey, it would take me atleast good 10 years to get those!! And have you seen her?
TBG - I hate you, oh I really really hate you, OMG, you are a total jerk, just LMA and don't you ever try to text or poke me!!
--------------------------
TwentySomething to her BoyFriend - how come you never carry me like that?
BF - how come you are not as pretty as Khushi?
TS - You A**Hat, I really hate you and you know what? your thing is too small and its soft and its totally not working for me. Good bye!
--------------------------
ThirtySomething to her husband - Wonder what happened to romance in our life?
Husband - It's time for PTA meeting darling, let's hurry.
Wife - Wish you were more romantic like ASR
Husband - And who will pay the mortgage bills if I sit at home like him, your dad?
Wife - You always bring my dad into our conversation, I am so sick of that!
Husband - Alright, alright, I am sorry, that was not right. Let me bring your mother instead, and you know what? you are just like her and let me tell ya she ain't exactly a petite woman.
Wife picks the pooja thali and bangs it on his head and walks out on him.
--------------------------
SeniorCitizenWife(SCW) - Aye ji, did you see what that boy just did?
SeniorCitizenHusband(SCH) - Now don't get any fancy ideas, you know my arthritis flares up
SCW - do you think he will go bald like you?
SCH - only if she goes old-hag like you!
SCW silently noted that the time had finally come to execute her plans to murder her SCH, collect the life insurance money, and run off with the young male-nurse to the Caymans.
After ASR gallantly recovered khushi from the mandir, and carried her off ensconced in his chest, held with his strong arms as if she were nothing but a mere rag doll, there was general discontentment among the women-folk at the mandir who witnessed the scene. Unknown to IPK viewers, the mandir scene continued long after ASR and khushi left. Here is what transpired after our love birds left.
--------------------------
TeenyBopperGirlfriend nudged her boyfriends ribs - OMG OMG OMG Did you just see that?
TeenyBopper BF - See what baby?
TBG - OMG! OMG! Did you see how he lifted her like a doll?
TBF - Have you seen those biceps?
TBG - (squeals and shrieks and jumps up an down) - Like its so hot, can you like do it too?
TBF - Honey, it would take me atleast good 10 years to get those!! And have you seen her?
TBG - I hate you, oh I really really hate you, OMG, you are a total jerk, just LMA and don't you ever try to text or poke me!!
--------------------------
TwentySomething to her BoyFriend - how come you never carry me like that?
BF - how come you are not as pretty as Khushi?
TS - You A**Hat, I really hate you and you know what? your thing is too small and its soft and its totally not working for me. Good bye!
--------------------------
ThirtySomething to her husband - Wonder what happened to romance in our life?
Husband - It's time for PTA meeting darling, let's hurry.
Wife - Wish you were more romantic like ASR
Husband - And who will pay the mortgage bills if I sit at home like him, your dad?
Wife - You always bring my dad into our conversation, I am so sick of that!
Husband - Alright, alright, I am sorry, that was not right. Let me bring your mother instead, and you know what? you are just like her and let me tell ya she ain't exactly a petite woman.
Wife picks the pooja thali and bangs it on his head and walks out on him.
--------------------------
SeniorCitizenWife(SCW) - Aye ji, did you see what that boy just did?
SeniorCitizenHusband(SCH) - Now don't get any fancy ideas, you know my arthritis flares up
SCW - do you think he will go bald like you?
SCH - only if she goes old-hag like you!
SCW silently noted that the time had finally come to execute her plans to murder her SCH, collect the life insurance money, and run off with the young male-nurse to the Caymans.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Devi Maiyya's Intervention Program
Our
Devi Maiyya does not easily give up on her devotees. DM has a lot of
plans for our characters and intends on a major intervention program to
help out the CVs and LM. Lets read through with a "Ghanti" of thanks for
each intervention program.
Intervention Program 1 <Ding>
Shyam is sick and tired of waiting. He sneaks out to find khushi by the pool. He comes up on her silhouette in the dark and admires her now fuller body. He tiptoes over to her and decides to tightly hug her.
Shyam - Khushiji, I was waiting for this day. I love you khushiji, I want you and I will leave rani sahiba for you, now come here and kiss me to show daddy you love me.
He turns her around, ready to take her mouth and looks straight into those shocked overly-made-up face of mamiji !!
Shyam reels back - you!!! what are you doing here!!
Mamiji - Jamai raja, the impaartent kvoshtionss is bhat you doing herewa? me inbeshtigating 007 bondkinani. bhat you inbeshtigating? khushi ki body?
Shyam's truth thus revealed, Mamiji redeemed.
Intervention Program 2 <Ding>
Anjali is devastated, of course, once shyam's truth is out. She decides to go to live in an Ashram. Her sexy mid-riff baring transparent sarees and dangerous blouses bring many circus tents to town, causing unforeseen hulchul among the swami's. Senior swami decides to take things into his hands and solve the "problem" once and for all. He consults Arnav, who suggests the only way he took care of the Shyam's "problem" was forcibly marrying the cause of circus-tent. Swamiji agrees, denounces celibacy and proposes marriage to Anjali. Anjali is swept away! What more can one ask for ? Tantric s** and unlimited bedroom puja's is any devotee's prayers come true.
Anjali's sadness thus taken care of.
Intervention Program 3 <Ding>
Babuji decides to take things into his own wheelchair. He refuses to budge from his chair for daily programs raising a literal stink in the gupta household. Garima and Buaji have had it and decide to send him to a nursing home. Buaji decides to retire into the same Ashram that anjali visited. Six months later, Delhi newspapers report record number of closure of local area ashrams and defections of devotees to more worldly pursuits such as love and money.
Intervention Program 4 <Ding>
Payash do it. Payal cured. Payal sees the light. Payal becomes good sister.
Invtervention Program - Mission Impossible <Ding> <Ding> <Ding> <Ding> <DONG> .
This is the most challenging part of DM's program - clear MU and create serious ILU between ARHI. Devi Maiyya is still thinking and will get back to you after the commercial break.
DM thinks she knows what to do with the two. She sends everyone in the household on a pilgrimage to Hrishikesh. Khushi has to stay back because Laxmi is sick and needs mommy. Arnav of course has to work. The entire family will be gone for 2 months. And so begins the journey of putting every inch of the house to jolly good use. 2 months of TRP heaven. 2 months of absolute pin-drop silence on the forum because the members are otherwise occupied. Laxmi is of course dead (RIP) and RM is pretty much RIPped too. DM goes back to her heavenly abode in peace to return in two months.
Intervention Program 1 <Ding>
Shyam is sick and tired of waiting. He sneaks out to find khushi by the pool. He comes up on her silhouette in the dark and admires her now fuller body. He tiptoes over to her and decides to tightly hug her.
Shyam - Khushiji, I was waiting for this day. I love you khushiji, I want you and I will leave rani sahiba for you, now come here and kiss me to show daddy you love me.
He turns her around, ready to take her mouth and looks straight into those shocked overly-made-up face of mamiji !!
Shyam reels back - you!!! what are you doing here!!
Mamiji - Jamai raja, the impaartent kvoshtionss is bhat you doing herewa? me inbeshtigating 007 bondkinani. bhat you inbeshtigating? khushi ki body?
Shyam's truth thus revealed, Mamiji redeemed.
Intervention Program 2 <Ding>
Anjali is devastated, of course, once shyam's truth is out. She decides to go to live in an Ashram. Her sexy mid-riff baring transparent sarees and dangerous blouses bring many circus tents to town, causing unforeseen hulchul among the swami's. Senior swami decides to take things into his hands and solve the "problem" once and for all. He consults Arnav, who suggests the only way he took care of the Shyam's "problem" was forcibly marrying the cause of circus-tent. Swamiji agrees, denounces celibacy and proposes marriage to Anjali. Anjali is swept away! What more can one ask for ? Tantric s** and unlimited bedroom puja's is any devotee's prayers come true.
Anjali's sadness thus taken care of.
Intervention Program 3 <Ding>
Babuji decides to take things into his own wheelchair. He refuses to budge from his chair for daily programs raising a literal stink in the gupta household. Garima and Buaji have had it and decide to send him to a nursing home. Buaji decides to retire into the same Ashram that anjali visited. Six months later, Delhi newspapers report record number of closure of local area ashrams and defections of devotees to more worldly pursuits such as love and money.
Intervention Program 4 <Ding>
Payash do it. Payal cured. Payal sees the light. Payal becomes good sister.
Invtervention Program - Mission Impossible <Ding> <Ding> <Ding> <Ding> <DONG> .
This is the most challenging part of DM's program - clear MU and create serious ILU between ARHI. Devi Maiyya is still thinking and will get back to you after the commercial break.
DM thinks she knows what to do with the two. She sends everyone in the household on a pilgrimage to Hrishikesh. Khushi has to stay back because Laxmi is sick and needs mommy. Arnav of course has to work. The entire family will be gone for 2 months. And so begins the journey of putting every inch of the house to jolly good use. 2 months of TRP heaven. 2 months of absolute pin-drop silence on the forum because the members are otherwise occupied. Laxmi is of course dead (RIP) and RM is pretty much RIPped too. DM goes back to her heavenly abode in peace to return in two months.
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